Thirty Demons
by Mr Khan
Summary: A thirty ficlet set taken at random from the 120 prompts on 30 onepiece so far about everyone's favorite pair of demons: The Demon Cutter and the Devil Child. Now Complete! Read before it gets buried!
1. Baseball

Thirty Demons

By Mr Khan

I am entirely uncertain about this whole venture, given that the whole "thirty themes challenge" thing seems to be rather formalized and localized at LiveJournal, but I lack a LiveJournal account, and I really didn't want to undertake a "challenge" of any sort, I just saw them as a good opportunity to be given prompts and told to write (and so avoid the prime difficulty of coming up with basic ideas for fics, merely left with the difficulty of plot). So I eschewed any of the theme sets, instead randomly grabbing 30 of the 120 themes developed at the 30_onepiece community so far. My claim of choice? Who else but Zoro and Robin. Some will be Zoro x Robin (14 of them actually), some just Zoro(8), some just Robin(8). Enjoy!

Baseball

Rating: K+ (for double entendres)

Zoro was the batter. It was his job to see past deception, to get inside the pitcher's head and comprehend all their tricks. He had to know when the pitcher was seriously trying to defeat him

"You're dead, swordsman!"

Or when the pitcher was trying to trick him into defeating himself.

"She looks exactly like her! I'm not going to fight someone like that!"

He had to know when to bunt, rare though that was,

"Why didn't you fight those guys? You heard what they were saying about you!"

And know when the pitcher would betray him entirely and attempt to hurt him.

"You may have fooled the rest of them, but I still don't trust you."

He had a great batting average, but sometimes he encountered those infuriating pitchers that he just couldn't read.

Robin was the pitcher. It was her job to deceive, to get inside the batter's head and leave them lost and confused. She had to know which batters she could crush under her own power,

"Diez Fluer: Clutch!"

Or which batters she could deceive to their own doom

"But if you destroy the island, you'll destroy the one thing you've been searching for."

She had to know which batters would try to bunt  
"I haven't heard you say it yet! Say you want to live!"

And know when it was best to break all the rules of the game and disable the batter directly.

"I have the antidote."

She had a surprisingly low ERA, but sometimes she encountered those inscrutable batters that could read her like a book.

In their careers, these two baseball stars: offensive and defensive, found in each other their most inscrutable foe. By her nature, Robin would never be a batter, and Zoro would not be a pitcher. Robin would never hit a home run off of him, and neither would she give up an easy hit, even if she might have truly wanted Zoro to score a home run. It was up to Zoro to get that home run, to see into her mind in a way that no other could, to read the next pitch perfectly. Normally Zoro wouldn't even bother with such a deceitful pitcher, but since he had to, it was inevitable that he would one day score: Zoro was not the kind of batter who gave up. He was just waiting for the right inning.


	2. Betrayal

2. Betrayal

Rating: T for profanity

In her years as a fugitive, Nico Robin had no time for hobbies. Certainly she enjoyed reading, but the kinds of people she was often forced to take refuge with were not especially literate. Even ordinary people can adapt in extraordinary ways to extreme situations, and Nico Robin was no ordinary person. In adapting to her extreme boredom, she tried to find a little fun in her daily life, even given the horrors that her daily life was composed of.

"Think about it, Captain," the ragged-looking pirate encouraged. "If we had the frickin' Devil Child of Ohara in our crew, everyone would get right the hell out of our way!"

This guy had to be a new low, even by Robin's standards. The Captain, she hadn't even caught his name, had a messy blonde beard, braided at a number of points and struck through with all sorts of filthy food. She wondered if he had bathed or even changed clothes sometime in the past three weeks. Robin wondered if he had some ape in his heritage somewhere, given his broad lips and monkeyish complexion. Apparently he had a filth-based devil fruit power, and liked to look the part. That power had to be the only thing he had going for him, as she could practically see the stupidity in his gaze as he processed the information his crewmate had just given him.

"Fine. She can stay," the Captain said finally. The crew, that had been surrounding her with their weapons poised, relaxed. Robin relaxed as well, uncrossing her arms. "But just because we got this bitch don't mean we gonna get any more money in our pockets."

Robin did not bat an eyelid at the Captain's rudeness. Though he was a new low in terms of manners, her expectations had hit rock bottom some time before. "Thank you," she said, choking down her disgust, "I'll try to be of some assistance to your crew."

"Yeah yeah," the Captain said dismissively. "Your assistance better mean cash money."

_Eight days,_ Robin thought to herself. This was her impromptu hobby. Robin liked to make bets with herself as to how long she could last with her latest group of so-called "nakama," before they betrayed her. Given that she had gone through almost 16 years of this, she had become quite adept at judging when the loyalties of her erstwhile protectors would run short. Pirates generally never looked clean or proper, but this crew looked shifty and uncertain even by pirate standards.

They had made it clear that they were desperate for cash, and Robin was running a 79 million beli bounty, about 10 times as much as the Captain's. She knew exactly how it would go: they would safely bear her off this island, possibly even with the intent to keep her around for a while. They would make the 7-day passage to the next island, and after being there for one night, she would wake up at whatever inn they stayed in with the entire crew gone and the inn surrounded by marines, or at least that would be their plan. Robin would make sure she was safe, she always did, but recently she had tried to make the process a bit more… fun.

"Oi, oiiiii," the annoying woman said, poking Robin obnoxiously with a grimy fingernail. It seemed that a certain lack of hygiene was a prerequisite for being on this crew, and this woman was no exception, with her dusty brown hair ridden with lice. "Do you do anything? You just sit around all day like a lump."

They had pulled into the next island, almost exactly a week after Robin had joined up. "I was hired merely to add my reputation to this crew," Robin said coolly. "I have not been given instruction as to how I could be of further aid."

"No no no," the woman insisted, "I mean don't you do nothin' for fun?"

"I like to read."

The woman snorted, spraying spittle in the process. "Hah! Reading," she stumped away across the deck. "Stuck-up little whores like you deserve what they get," she muttered.

Robin had been getting such not-so-subtle hints of the crew's discontent with her presence in the past couple of days. Tonight they would make landfall, and tomorrow they would betray her, if her assessment was correct. Robin liked to be a voyeur sometimes, part of the fun of tormenting her soon-to-be betrayers before the fact, so she kept track of where the woman went as she departed from the deck. A quickly muttered "Oreja Fluer," and she had an ear in on the situation.

"I can't stand this bitch!" the woman said emphatically. "She thinks she's so clean and pretty and smart, feh!" she spat.

"Yeah yeah," said a voice Robin had identified as the first mate. "She ain't doin' us no favors, sittin' around like a smartass and eatin' our food and drinkin' our water. Plus she's annoying as fuck." They were silent for a moment, and finally the first mate piped up again. "Can we turn her in tonight, Captain? I'm sick of seein' her and I ain't spendin' one more night with this spoiled whore if I don't got to."

There was a pause, and Robin could imagine the Captain's face as he pondered everything in his slow and stupid way. "Fine fine," the Captain said eventually. "We get our 79 million tonight, then we can get some first-class booze. But how do we do it?"

"We'll go into town, see," the first mate interjected. He was clearly the brains of this outfit, "and tell her to stay on the ship. Since she's lazy as hell anyway, she'll do it. Won't she be surprised when a gang of marines comes by to haul her off?"

_Seven days._ Robin thought, ticking it off in her head. It was her first loss in a while.

"But won't the marines take our ship, genius?" the woman asked.

"Not if we take the jolly roger down," the first mate rebutted. "S'long as there's nothing that screams out "Oi, this is a pirate ship!" they'll be too happy that they nabbed the frickin' devil child herself to really care."

"Sounds like a plan to me," the Captain said. "And then we'll be rich as fuck, won't we?"

"I don't think so," Robin said, stepping through the door. Her ear dissolved into flower petals after that.

"Scummy little witch!" the woman yelled. "You was spyin' on us!"

"It was a good idea to betray you," the Captain said.

"You might have betrayed me, but you haven't succeeded," Robin said with a smug smile. "How about we make this interesting?" She pulled out the Captain's wanted poster, a paltry 8 million. "I try to turn you in at the same time. One person wins and walks away with the other's bounty, one person gets executed. Sound fun?"

"Bitch!" the three of them yelled simultaneously.

"Get her!" the Captain roared.

"Treinta Fluer!" Robin responded, ten hands sprouted on each of the three of them. "Grab!"

She turned to leave, then said "try to keep up," smiling sweetly, then she bolted.

"Stop her!" shouted the first mate. "Stop the devil child!" The dirty gang of pirates materialized from all corners of the ship, pursuing her hotly as she ran down the gangplank. When they mounted the gangplank, however…

"Veinte Fluer!" multiple hands emerged from the gangplank, seizing the crewmates by their ankles and pitching them to one side or the other, into the water. More kept coming as she fled, including the Captain who was now in high wrath. He morphed smoothly into a pile of dark-brown muck, with a smell so potent that it fouled the air entering Robin's nostrils even from there. She was shocked, but didn't show it. _It only makes the game more interesting._

Robin ran away from the ship, unusually agile in her high-heeled boots as always. She dodged into a back alley, but the Captain and the pirates kept charging down the main street. "Don't worry about catching her! We just gotta beat her to the Marine Office!" the Captain shouted, his voice thick as he was still in his muck form. He had some brains in his head after all. The only advantage she had was that neither she nor the pirates knew where the local office was, and she was disadvantaged because there was only one of her, but any of her former nakama could reach the goal ahead of her.

Well, if she were a normal woman, she would be at a disadvantage, but Nico Robin was better than that. "Ochenta Fluer, Omniscience!" All about the small island town, hands appeared on all kinds of surfaces, hands with eyes on them, causing no small amount of alarm in the townsfolk, but they were significantly dismayed already by the pirate gangs charging about town. More than causing a stir, Robin did not use this ability often because it was an immense sensory strain, to put up with the perceptional input of eighty additional eyes, but then Robin caught it. She headed towards the one hand, the one eye, that had the Marine Office in sight.

She navigated the town streets swiftly, now confident in her direction. Once she finally emerged on the street that housed the Marine Office, she charged forward with more vigor, but saw two of the pirates on the same street, closer than she was. "Ocho fluer!" and the two pirates were down with cracked spines. Robin then coolly proceeded in to the office, pulling out the Captain's Wanted poster. Inside she found a few rough-looking men loitering aimlessly, as well as a Marine petty officer, someone low on the totem pole and endlessly bored with his existence. _I can help him with that, at least._

"This town's in a significant uproar," Robin said, tone-neutral as she walked towards the petty officer's desk with just a hint of sway in her step.

"Yeah," the officer said idly. "They're always complaining about something."

"It might have something to do with him," Robin said, indicating the Wanted Poster in her hands.

"Wait, he's in town?" the officer said, finally paying attention to his visitor. He yelped in shock, looking at her. "He's been making trouble around here for months! Do you have information on him?"

"Not much, I'm afraid," Robin replied. "I do know that he is after me, and will arrive here imminently. If you marshal the garrison, you could probably catch him."

"All right!" the man roared, a spark coming into his eyes. "If we pull this off, you can claim the bounty," he said. "I'll be just fine with the promotion!" He blew a whistle and a number of Marines appeared as if from nowhere, and he charged out into the street.

The rough-looking men that had been loitering in the office then approached her. "You seem like you're pretty good at this," one of them said. "Did you ever think of doing this professionally?"

"Professional betrayal?" Robin said, smirking. The men laughed.

"You'll fit in great with that attitude at Baroque Works."

Betrayal filled many voids in the fugitive archaeologist's life. It was a thrilling hobby, a means of support, and could even open doors for her. Robin had adapted well to her horrible life, but deep down, she hoped for the day when she might be free of betrayal entirely.

_Author's Note: Mehhh, for part of a 30-theme challenge, this is incredibly long, and I don't think it came out that well, but I put the time into it, and still can't think of a better application for this theme, so there it is. Movin' on._


	3. Casino

3. Casino

Rating: K+

"Ne ne, Nami," Luffy said, flapping the poster in Nami's general direction. "What does this mean?"

"That says "Blackjack, slots, table games, loosest house in the New World," Nami said, slightly annoyed. "I know you can read. Or did Rayleigh's training beat it out of you?"

"No, I mean what are those things? Blackjack, table games? How can a house be loose?"

"That's an ad for a casino, boss," Franky cut in.

"Casino?" Luffy said.

"Ah, I played at a few casinos on my rise to the top," Brook added. "They were quite exciting!"

"You've been to a casino before, Luffy," Usopp explained.

"He has?" Chopper said, sounding a little jealous as his eyes lit up.

"No, you have too," Sanji added. "Rain Base, remember? Crocodile's headquarters in Alabasta?"

"Don't give him ideas!" Nami shouted. "He's not gonna lose all my money at some casino!"

"_Your_ money?" Zoro queried. "He's not a child, and it's not your money."

The conversation rapidly devolved into a roaring argument as Sanji quickly rushed to Nami's aid, while Franky and Usopp sided with Zoro. Normally when Alabasta came up as a topic of conversation, Robin excused herself, still somewhat ashamed of the role that she had played in those events, though her nakama fully understood that that was all behind her. Robin did not leave, however, as she quickly found herself lost in thought.

Her overlarge, fuzzy-trimmed overcoat swishes behind her as she steps onto the green-carpeted casino floor. With a confident, swaying stride, the woman approaches the table. Three others are gathered there, including one woman with a strangely mole-like complexion, a famous rookie pirate, and a prominent Alabasta nobleman, as well as a dealer. A slight smirk almost breaks onto the dealer's face, but he has been trained to not show emotion, though the dealer knows he's about to see the show: the Desert Shark of Rain Base.

The Desert Shark. Robin had many nicknames. In the shadow-world that this casino concealed, she was Miss All Sunday. Outside she was the Devil Child, or the Demon of Ohara. To herself, she was merely Nico Robin, but on this floor, amid these tables, she was another woman entire.

The woman places a small stack of bills on the table.

"Change 2 million, ma'am?" The dealer asks, suppressing his earlier excitement. The woman tips up the brim of her pure white cowboy hat, revealing cobalt-blue eyes, raven hair, and a severely straight nose. Her face inclines just slightly in assent.

"Little lady, you know what you're gettin' into here?" the nobleman says, "this here's the Sabaody Hold 'Em High Rollers' table. 2 million will barely get ya past the big blind."

The woman simply turns her head towards the man and smiles. The dealer hands her a stack of chips, significantly smaller than the stacks held by the other players. Mole-woman's eyes narrow as she looks at the other woman, but the nobleman and the pirate smile broadly, thinking they have an easy 2 million added to the pot. Not much, but every little is a gain.

"I'll see that bet," the woman says. Five cards are revealed, and the dealer's hand stands poised over the sixth.

"That's everything you have," the pirate says coolly. "Are you sure you want to risk it on the first hand?"

"Are you willing to go all-in?" asked the dealer. The woman inclines her head again.

"Player goes all-in," the dealer declares. The mole-woman and the nobleman are already eliminated, so the woman stands alone with the pirate. The dealer flips the final card.

"Two pair," the pirate says, flipping his cards over.

"Three of a kind," the woman replies. "I believe that's to me."

"The lady wins it!" the dealer declares, a larger smile breaking onto his features. He knew the show was only just beginning.

About an hour later, the woman sits, much of her body concealed behind many stacks of chips. Mole-woman and the pirate sit there with their mouths agape, both long since eliminated. The nobleman sits, looking at his dwindling stack of chips almost protectively. He is sweating profusely, and has become increasingly belligerent. "Best back out now, little girly," he says brazenly. "I got ya this time!" The woman simply makes eye contact with him, her cobalt eyes instilling more fear in him than anything she could have said or did.

The fifth card is flipped, and the nobleman suppresses a cringe before putting on a painfully transparent smile. "All-in," he declares.

"I'll stand," the woman says. The dealer reaches for the last card, when the pit boss comes by. He leans next to the woman and whispers something in her ear. "I apologize," the woman says, standing. "I would enjoy finishing this game, but I need to leave. May I still cash out at this juncture?"

"Certainly ma'am. Cash out 240 million."

Orders had come in. Miss All Sunday was to be sent out to deal with a ruckus back at Whiskey Peak, and by the time she returned to Alabasta, the plan was too far in motion for her to have a chance at Rain Base again. It was her only piece of unfinished business from her old life in Baroque Works, and now it had returned.

The argument continued raucously when Robin raised her hand. "Excuse me, Luffy-san?"

"Yessss, Robin-chwan!" Sanji said smartly, despite the fact that he had not been addressed.

"I agree with you. Can we please go to the casino?"

"Yosh, let's go!" Luffy said. "Off to the loose house!"

Robin wondered if she still had her lucky cowboy hat.

_Author's Note: I'm experimenting with some different stuff here. First chapter is pure allegory, the second is a normal narrative like I've done in the past, while this one uses the present tense. I put three of them together for the first batch, but updates will keep coming as more come along. I also tossed a few references to Chapter 598 in this one. Isn't it awesome! _


	4. Guard

4. Guard

Rating: T (language)  
Warning: Author's Note at the bottom contains small pre-release spoilers for Chapter 599

Two years. Two years of the harshest training with one of the strongest men on the planet, and what did he have to show for it? He still had his debt, indeed it had increased, despite his protests that he couldn't possibly have paid the debt given that the loaner was stuck up in the sky. Aside from that, he was still stuck on guard duty. And he still slept through guard duty, as often as he was able.

Nothing had really changed for Roronoa Zoro, aside from the scar prominently placed over his left eye. The swordsman had returned after his long journey to find that even his favorite sleeping spot, up in the gym in the crow's nest, was still much as he had left it when they had pulled in to Sabaody Archipelago, a time that otherwise seemed like a different life. Tonight found Zoro nestled in his comfy little spot, his head propped against the leg press machine and his legs hanging over the bench for the bench press.

_He sleeps._

_ Fools, to come so heedlessly into our territory, though no amount of vigilance could stop us. _

Seven shadowy figures crept out of the trees. It was hard to tell whether they were clad in black velvet jumpsuits, or whether that was their skin. They themselves did not. Even their eyes lacked any sheen or reflective property. Their home was a small, nameless island in the New World, like a mesa in the ocean. It had a small forest on the top, but the sides were sheer and inaccessible. Legend said that a gang of thieves had been banished to that island long ago, and they had grown and evolved entirely as thieves, into shadow creatures, entirely dedicated to theft and absolute stealth. They were untraceable, their very existence hard to prove. The many valuables that went missing from the ships that passed their lonely rock were the only testament to their existence.

_Such an extravagant ship must be well-stocked._

_ Aye. We shall seize it._

_ Silently._

The seven of them leapt, by some secret art managing to jump across the hundreds of yards from their little island towards the _Thousand Sunny_ as it slowly drifted along in the dark. They landed, gathering together on the grassy deck of the ship.

Zoro's dream shifted slightly. He flipped his head over, resting on the other side of his face.

The thieves carefully crept around the lawn, taking in every detail and sizing up everything they could possibly make off with. They stealthily made their way towards the door to go belowdecks when their keen ears were drawn by a thump.

_Someone is here._

_ An interloper?_

They turned to see a man poised on deck, muscle-bound and battle-scarred, scars featuring prominently on his chest and face, with mossy green hair. The man stood with two swords in hand, holding in a ready stance. The thieves pulled out slim, fire-blackened blades that did not glimmer at night.

_He is no threat. Observe._

The man was fast asleep, his head hung and eyes closed as he snored. His stance was rock-solid, his muscles taught, but he was apparently oblivious to it all.

_Sleepwalking? Or something more?_

_ Unknown. Investigate. _

They didn't need to worry about their conversation waking the sleeping man. In their evolution into endlessly stealthy beings, they had evolved a telepathy, speech by thought.

One thief approached the man carefully, swiping his sword back and forth in front of his face. The man did not stir, continuing to sleep.

_Definitely asleep._

_ Proceed. _

The seven thieves moved back towards the door again, when it happened. They were first alerted to it by the slightest sound of sandaled feet shifting slightly against grass, then they saw the man launch himself at them. The thieves had masterful reflexes, but even then only four managed to leap clear before the man was upon them. Powerful sword strokes sliced through their flesh, but no blood came forth. The three that were struck simply flew into the air and then into the sea. Two were dead. The third frantically communicated to his brethren.

_He still sleeps!_

_ Still asleep?_

_ Impossible._

_ What sort of demon is this?_

_ We can kill him and find out._

The four remaining thieves leapt on him simultaneously, but the man turned, head swinging limply in his sleep. The man spun a few times, sending waves of force spiraling upward. The others were caught up in this tornado, and scattered off the ship. Two more died, and the survivors swam away.

Zoro's dream shifted again, and he almost woke up. His eye opened, at least, and he perceived that he was standing and had two swords drawn. He sheathed his swords, then staggered towards the mast, where he slumped down with his back against it, and went back to sleep.

Next he felt something metallic poking his face. "Oi, Zoro."

"Mmf."

The poking grew more insistent and he finally woke up.

"See?" Nami said indignantly, motioning towards the others, who had followed her on to the deck. "Why the hell do we put this bozo on guard duty all the time? What if something happens? All we're gonna end up with is a dead swordsman!"

"Che, what are you complaining about, witch?" Zoro barked. "Not like anything ever happens at night anyway."

Indeed, not much had changed for Roronoa Zoro. He was still a deadly swordsman, but his training had ingrained his lethality into his very soul. Swordsmanship was now instinct.

_Author's Note: Early spoilers out of Chapter 599 indicate that Zoro has probably lost an eye indeed (and Franky is now obscenely huge). The least Oda could have done would have been to give him an eyepatch :/_


	5. Weather

5. Weather

Rating: T

[Break goes here. If anyone can tell me how to put in those little divider lines, please tell me, FF keeps cutting them out when I upload]

_These women are going to be the death of me._ If there was anyone on the ship that he could not stand (outside of that damned love cook), it was… well, okay, Chopper, Luffy, and Usopp got really annoying sometimes, then there was Brook, Franky… okay, he really couldn't stand any of them, even if he would die for all of them. But lately his frustrations with the two female nakama had been peaking. Given two years of compounding, Nami's debts had grown astronomical in their time apart, and the navigator never missed a chance of reminding him of such, often driving him to do embarrassing or exasperating things with that leverage. Nami was as annoying as the day had met her, and nothing was new there.

But Robin, Robin was nightmarish. Mind games. The morbid archaeologist would not stop playing these infuriating little mind games with him. She was on his mind constantly: that smile, that laugh, that damned look in her eyes when she stared at him, that look that always gave him the uncomfortable feeling of being naked. Zoro found himself analyzing every word, every glance, endlessly.

Even now, as he was trying nap, they drove him to distraction. His nap, the one thing that kept him sane. _Feh._ As he lay with his back propped against the mast, eyes closed, he could hear the two of them, up in the garden area, conversing about… something. Their voices were obscured somewhat by the sound of waves slapping against the hull. It was a beautiful day, and everyone was at ease, though Nami had warned that weather could change in a flash in the New World. Zoro was getting annoyed at himself, as well. Everyone was relaxing, why couldn't he? What was wrong with him that he was so distracted by…

His thoughts were drawn away when the sunlight that sought to pierce his eyelids was suddenly dimmed. He opened his eye and assessed the situation in a flash, then his face lit in shock. A huge, low-hanging thundercloud had appeared over the ship. Pent-up electricity surged in one spot.

Right over Robin.

Zoro jumped up from his laying position, taking the stairs up to the garden in a single leap. It was a foolish decision in part, to think that he could leap up there faster than a lightning bolt might strike, but it was pure instinct.

Time slowed as he made his second jump, a low-slung jump forwards towards Nico Robin, who lay splayed on a lawn chair as she often was. Zoro extended his arms to scoop her up from where she lay as he flew towards her.

Time sped up again. "Robin, watch out!" he shouted, grabbing her from where she lay. They hit the deck together in a heap, then the bolt struck. Zoro ended up on top of Robin, all too aware of something soft and yielding pressed against his chest. Blood rushed to his cheeks.

"What the hell, Zoro?" Nami shouted. She held her clima-tact poised as the cloud dissolved. "Do you have to interrupt when I'm demonstrating one of my new Weather Bombs?" The last fragments of electricity flickered in the clima-tact.

"Perhaps Kenshi-san thought I was in danger," Robin said, smiling with a hint of laughter in her voice.

_Damn you damn you damn you._ More blood surged to his cheeks, and Zoro saw that he had made quite the mistake.

Nami looked as though she had found a treasure chest. "Zoro thought that… you… hahahaha!" Nami burst into laughter. Zoro's face was now fully beet-red.

"I'm flattered, Kenshi-san," Robin said in that torturously sweet voice of hers, "but could you please get off me?"

"No... but…" Zoro stammered. "Ch!" he snorted, then fled. They thought they had seen him move quickly before, but now he flitted away at a blinding pace, blasting up the mast and into the crow's nest gym before anyone else could catch him in his mistake.

Hours afterward, Zoro trained. Training was the opiate that soothed his troubled mind, and now he used many reps with huge dumbbells to try to void the humiliation. What in the hell had he done? Why hadn't he been able to figure out that there was no danger? Why had he reacted so quickly? It had to be that woman.

And, speak of the devil child, she appeared. "Kenshi-san," she said in that same sweet tone, the tone that had haunted his mind for the past few hours. "Care to explain your little turn of chivalry this afternoon?"

Zoro went beet-red immediately, his embarrassment still acute, and immediately resorted to babbling. "Well… I…"

"Zoro," she said, and a change came over her. Her eyes looked different. "One chance," she said, holding up a single finger. "I'll give you one chance here. Don't lie to me."

Zoro stared back at her. She was serious, and he was trapped. The rest of his life potentially hinged on the next words out of his mouth. He swallowed nervously, and took the plunge.

These women were going to be the death of him.

_Author's Note: To address whoever claimed that I had Zoro's scar on the wrong side: Oda himself got it wrong when he made the 598 cover art. He released a statement saying as such, and I was basing it off the early spoilers out of Chapter 599, still a few days from release._


	6. Kingdom

6. Kingdom

Rating: T

Note: Thanks a lot to everyone who has reviewed, favorited, or alerted so far. There is no substitute for good reviews for really motivating you to keep working.

* * *

(should be a successful page break)

_Now is time to tell the tale_

_ A tale from ancient time_

_ Of a mighty hero who would save the land_

"We have placed all our trust in you, General," the Lady said. "Our fate is in your hands."

"Certainly, milady," the General said, bowing low before the Feudal Lord and his wife. "You can count on me to destroy the forces of Wano no Kuni. Do you give your blessing too, my lord?"

"Yomsh, beamsh shashms enmneshesh," the Lord said as he shoveled pork cutlet into his mouth.

His red-haired wife hit him over the head soundly. "You're the Feudal Lord, act like it!"

_Though he was bound to serve a buffoon and a shrew, his virtues were many _

_He was tall, he was proud, he bore swords three_

_Battle-scarred and rugged, a prize for the maidens, an idol to the troops_

"So, what did the Feudal Lord say?" asked his long-nosed staff officer.

"We go to war." Replied the general.

"You're so awesome!" swooned the youthful staff doctor.

_His foe was worthy, an evil more ancient than he_

_Dead eyes, black heart, swift sword, as feared as the General was loved_

_The Zombie Samurai_

"We will descend on their lands and slaughter everything!" roared the Shogun, making a sweeping gesture with his bony arm that caused his kimono to flow out behind him regally.

"Banzai!" came the reply, as if from a horde of beasts (which was not far off from the truth).

"When the men are dead, we will take all of value in the land and leave the land to rot!" the Shogun repeated, now drawing forth a black katana, and adding it to his regal gesture.

"Banzai!" the horde replied.

"We will take their women!"

"Banzai!"

"And then… we shall look upon their panties!"

"Ban… what? Panties?"

"Yohohohoho!"

_His army was vast, an undead horde_

_It sowed fear into all, dead foes joined their ranks_

_But their rotting brains had rotted their wits_

"What did the Shogun mean about panties?"

"If he wants more cloth, why doesn't he just buy it?"

"Do you think he wants us to wear 'em?"

"Ugh, I hope not. Panties are so uncomfortable."

The zombies looked askance at the last to speak.

….

"How would you know that?"

_But the people feared not: the General's army was nobler_

_ Ten thousands strong, partisans and katana in evidence_

_ All were confident in their officers_

"Be frank with me," the General said. "Are we ready for this war?"

"More than ready," said the long-nosed staff officer.

"Yeah, I've had the smiths working around the clock. We've got some supah armor," said the Chief armorer, a great bear of a man.

"And all their weapons have been treated with salt," said the staff doctor. "All we'll need is one good wound to purify a zombie."

"The Wano army might be larger than ours," added the raven-haired Chief Strategist, "but they have no coordination, no strategy. We should be able to leave them outwitted and annihilated."

_There was one alone who lacked faith_

_Womanizing, chain-smoking, foul-mouthed, yet handsome_

_The General's eternal rival: now a mere cook_

"Shitty marimo," the cook muttered, blowing a puff of smoke as he juggled multiple dishes. "I should be the General. Then the ladies would love me!"

_The army departed, ready for war_

_Hoping to meet their foe long before they could threaten the homeland_

_It was a departure worthy of song_

"Let's go forth!" the General said, making elaborate gestures much like his undead counterpart.

"Banzai!" the army replied, waving their weaponry about in their revelry.

"Our foes will be destroyed before they ever see our heartland!"

"Banzai!"

"The glory of our names will reach the heavens!"  
"Banzai!"

_The march began in high spirits, the army ringing in its own splendour_

_In serried rows they marched, blades and armor shining in the sun_

_The General marched in the van, leading all in his glory_

_They marched and marched, and marched some more_

_Over hills, through valleys, crossing forests and streams_

_On and on they went, and morale began to droop_

"Feh," the General growled. "The Wano army got lost! Can't those zombies even figure out which direction to march in?"

"I don't think the Wano Army got lost," the Chief Strategist said. "I think you did, sir."

The General shot her a look that could have curdled new milk. "Quiet, woman," he barked. "I know where we're going."

_The General never found his foe_

_Yet he was defeated still_

_The great and noble man laid low_

_Because he could not read a map_

_Author's Note: Originally I tried to make the italicized portions rhyme, but it got too elaborate, so I ditched it for the most part. The enemy here is half Brook, half Ryuuma (not hard given that they were intricately linked). Also: It is now official: Roronoa Zoro is minus one eye, and holy hell what did Franky do to himself?_


	7. Brother

7. Brother

Rating: K+

* * *

Zoro was very observant. It was necessary for someone in his position, to be aware of a split-second change in stance, or the slightest grunt from a foe that would indicate that his enemy was wounded somewhere that was not immediately apparent. The great problem with his talent, however, was that it could not be turned on or off as with a switch, which meant that he was almost constantly taking in all the little details of things whether he wanted to or not. In the off-time he spent napping on the deck, he learned many things about his nakama, listening as he faded in and out of consciousness. One day, he listened as Nami and Robin gossiped while they sunned themselves on the upper deck.

"So, what about Zoro?" Nami asked. Zoro's ears perked at the mention of his name.

"Kenshi-san?" Robin replied, "I love him." Zoro's heart raced, "… he's like a little brother to me."

_He's like a little brother to me._

_ Like a little brother to me_

Sometimes Zoro wished he wasn't so observant.

_Author's Note: Closer to a drabble, but I'm enjoying how much freedom I have in terms of length. Sorry that this one's a bit of a downer, the next will be more positive._


	8. Clouds

8. Clouds

Rating: T

~~~~~~~~000000000000~~~~~~~~

(formatting issues resolved!)

"Oi, Zoro, don't you think you should take a nap now?" Usopp asked.

"Eh, I was gonna do some training this afternoon," Zoro replied.

"Come on," Usopp chided, putting an arm around Zoro's shoulders. "You beat Mihawk over a month ago! You don't need to train as much anymore."

Zoro's one functioning eye narrowed in suspicion. "What are you getting at?"

Usopp began to sweat. "Nothing, nothing at all! I mean, everyone's relaxing here, why should you be the only one suffering? Just take a load off."

Zoro rubbed his face in frustration. If it would get Usopp to shut up… "Fine, I guess I could use a nap." The _Thousand Sunny_ had docked at the same place the _Going Merry_ had once docked, now almost three years ago: Reverse Mountain. One Piece had been claimed about a month ago, then they had given Robin some time to properly document the Rio Poneglyph and had taken a leisurely cruise through All Blue before finally heading back to Reverse Mountain, so that Brook could finally be reunited with Laboon. They had arrived last night, and Brook, Laboon, and Luffy continued to celebrate, further down the cape away from Crocus' house. The others were relaxing in their preferred way, and Zoro could see the sense in Usopp's reasoning: they had earned this relaxation, so he should indulge in it too.

Zoro propped himself between a few rocks closer to the sheer side of the mountain and closed his eye. He was about to drift off until… "Come on out, Chopper," Zoro said, eye still closed, "I know you're there."

"Ahh!" Chopper yelped, jumping up from the rocks he had been slinking behind. "Zoro! I, uhh… didn't want to disturb you."

"What do you want?" Zoro said, opening his eye. It seemed like everyone was on his case this afternoon.

"I just thought you might want some Sake," the little reindeer said, holding a bottle in one cloven paw.

"Sure, why not?" Zoro replied, taking the bottle from the doctor. "Thanks a lot."

"Don't think you can impress me, asshole," Chopper said shyly before leaving.

Zoro took a few deep draughts from the sake bottle. _Huh, I really do feel tired,_ he thought, then drifted off to sleep.

"Did he take it?"

"Yup," Chopper replied. "I mixed enough into that Sake that he should be asleep until dinnertime."

"Good job. Thanks a lot you two."

"Ahh, no problem," Usopp said. "We're happy to help, Robin."

Nico Robin was plotting something. Most of the crew was in on it, except for Luffy and Brook who were still engaged in their revelry with Laboon (and Luffy was still spoiling for his rematch with the giant whale). Usopp had been recruited to get Zoro to take a nap, and Chopper's job was to make sure he stayed that way for a while. Next Nami would need to be taken back up to the summit of the mountain, something Franky could help with. Finally Sanji would (grudgingly) help by preparing a dinner for two.

Dinnertime arrived, and the sun was just beginning to descend over the Grand Line, lighting up that side of the mountain gloriously. Robin stood near a small table that had been set close to a low-lying precipice that dropped off into the sea. The table had been covered over with a cloth, adorned with a candle, two wine glasses, and two plates with the full complement of silverware. Robin herself looked sharp, dressed in a jacket and skirt combo that she knew was especially fitting for this evening. She had to look her best for that man.

Roronoa Zoro. The two of them had been together for about two months now. It had happened unexpectedly. In the chaotic weeks leading up to Raftel, the entire world had been aligned against the Straw Hats. World Government, Shichibukai, Yonkou, Supernovas, and other miscellaneous pirate groups all threw their full effort to try and stop them from getting to that last island. With such overwhelming odds leveled against them, there had been no guarantees for their survival for the next hour, let alone the next day, and under those conditions Zoro and Robin had thought it foolish to continue to hide their true feelings for one another. Their blossoming love had helped to inspire their nakama through their darkest hours.

But they had both survived, of course, and beyond that miracle, they had also managed to achieve their respective dreams, indeed had achieved them on the same day. Since then, they had spent much time together, sharing everything. Robin found herself changing: she talked more, smiled more, laughed more. He was healing her, she knew, healing the many scars of her twenty years of wandering, scars that had not healed entirely even after Enies Lobby. Robin felt that she was becoming whole again, no longer haunted by the ghosts of Ohara.

In their two months together, Zoro had given her so much, so much love, so much healing. She wanted to give some of that back, somehow. On the journey back to Reverse Mountain, Robin had been plotting her gesture of gratitude. Something grand, but pointed, that would pierce the swordsman's heart and communicate the depths of her adoration appropriately.

_Bedup-bedup-bedup._ The Den Den Mushi rang. "Nami-san? All right, thank you." She hung it up.

"Your dinner, Robin-swan!" Sanji said, dancing towards the table and bearing a platter of food. His relationship with Robin had not changed one bit, though he was firmly aware that she was off the market. "Also for that marimo…" he muttered. His relationship with Zoro had not changed either.

Robin laughed. "Could you please go retrieve Zoro-san?"

"With wings on my feet, Robin-swan!" he said nonsensically, dancing away. For a second, silence, and then she heard a cacophony of swearing and violence.

"Alright, alright, fine!" Zoro said, staggering into view. "Stupid ero-cook," he muttered. "Oi, Robin," he said, his expression shifting smoothly from annoyance to happiness. Then he noticed the table. "What's the deal with this?"

Robin chuckled slightly. He was so observant, which made him all the cuter when he acted clueless. "Dinner," she said, kissing him on the cheek. "Sit down."

Zoro tore through his dinner ravenously, while Robin pushed her food around her plate nervously. "What's wrong with you?" Zoro asked pointedly as he stopped shoveling food for a second to take a swig of wine. "You're acting like a nervous schoolgirl. Come to think of it," he said, taking another bite, "everyone's been acting weird today. Do you know something about this?"

Normally Robin would have been able to keep an impenetrable poker face in such a situation, but when it came to Zoro… her eyes shifted, ever so slightly. "I knew it!" Zoro pounced. "You can't hide it from me," he said with a wolfish grin, "what are they doing?"

"Remember what you told me," Robin asked, "about your promise to Kuina?"

Zoro nodded. He had been thinking about that promise a lot lately, since he had defeated Mihawk.

"You said your name would one day reach the heavens," Robin continued, standing up and walking over to stand behind Zoro. "Well," she said, setting her head on his shoulder, "take a look." She nudged his chin upward with her hand.

Zoro looked up. The sun was descending into the Grand Line, extending a distorted orange ball that refracted gloriously off the waves as they capped. Beautiful as the sea was in that moment, it was the sky that was most remarkable. The clouds all held the same peculiar shape, illuminated orange in the sunset. Each cloud read "RORONOA ZORO" in huge bold letters. There were many of them, filling all the sky as they flowed in multiple directions.

Zoro's eye broadened in disbelief. "What? But… how?"

"Nami-san," Robin said, smiling at the look in his eye. "She made the clouds. She's sending them in all directions, and the winds from Reverse Mountain will carry them to every corner of the world."

Zoro choked, a tear accumulating in the corner of his eye. "You idiot…" he said, though he didn't sound angry. "What made you think of something like this?"

Robin couldn't help but tear up a little as well. "You've given me so much," she said softly. "I wanted to give something back."

"Idiot," Zoro said again, but he stood up and kissed her. "You give me all I want," and kissed her again. "Thank you."

_Author's Note: Told ya this one would be more positive, didn't I? I must say it's rather challenging to develop exactly how Zoro and Robin would interact as a couple, as it treads rather far away from what we actually know about the characters. Feedback on their interplay will be greatly appreciated._


	9. Pie

9. Pie

Rating: T

~~~~~~~~~~~000000000000~~~~~~~~

"You're going to regret doing that to me," Robin said, giving the Straw Hats a look that made even Luffy take notice. "Veinte Fleur!"

_But we're getting ahead of the story, aren't we? What caused Robin to act this way?_

It started one day on the _Going Merry_, not long after the events of Alabasta. Things had settled back to normal rather quickly, though the quiet archaeologist had been a poor substitute for the loss of Vivi so far. A quick stop at an island on the way to Jaya had led to Sanji buying a lot of flour, sugar, and fruit preserves. Sanji hoped that all of it would last a long time, but he should have known better than that, shouldn't he?

"C'mon Sanji," Luffy implored. "Do it do it do it!"

"No," Sanji said smartly, taking a drag on his cigarette, "why would I do something like that?"

"But we have to have this pie-eating contest!" Chopper said.

"Yeah," Usopp added. "How else am I going to prove that I, the great Usopp, am the Champion Eater of the Grand Line?"

"You're the champion?" Chopper asked in amazement, "no way!"

"C'mon," Luffy begged again, getting down on his knees before Sanji. "Just make us a ton of pies so we can have our contest. Please?"

"No!" Sanji barked again. "This food is supposed to last us for a while, you'd make a horrible mess, and plus how could you expect me to make that many pies by this afternoon?"

"He's right," Zoro said, eyes closed as he napped. "There's no way he could possibly make that many pies."

"You think I can't do it, shithead?" Sanji roared, his calm demeanor flashing away in an instant. "Of course I can! I'll make so much pie that even Luffy will vomit!"

"Sugoi!" Luffy said. He hadn't been full enough to vomit since eating the Gum Gum Fruit.

"Do you have any objections, Nami-swan?" Sanji asked.

"Just do it," Nami said shortly. "So long as it'll shut Luffy up."

So Sanji worked for the rest of the morning, and on into the early afternoon, baking furiously. It was to his credit that, by 3:00, he had stacked pies on the main deck. Ten high, four deep, and wide enough to run from one railing to the other.

"Ha!" Sanji said, "see? I did it easily."

Zoro just chuckled and continued sleeping.

"Oooooooo" Luffy moaned in amazement. "Are you guys ready?"

"Yosh!" Usopp said, "I was born for this moment!" he said, a point he clearly illustrated from an overlarge bib that read "Born to Eat" on it. He had a fork and knife in each hand.

"Yes, let's go!" Chopper shouted eagerly, hopping up and down. Chopper's readiness was indicated by the huge pitchfork he wielded, ostensibly to eat the pies with.

"Anyone else want to join?" Luffy asked.

Zoro opened one eye, and shot Luffy a look that conveyed it's nonverbal negativity quite clearly.

Sanji had collapsed on the ground, exhausted from hours of strenuous baking.

Robin continued to read her book as if nothing were happening.

"I'll just have a slice," Nami said, "like a normal human."

"Lightweight," Usopp sniped.

"Yessss, Nami-swan!" Sanji leapt up and grabbed one pie, carving out a neat slice and placing it on a small plate, placing it daintily on the table Nami sat at.

"Then begin!" Luffy shouted, and the three competitors began to eat.

Some time into the competition, Usopp began to lag behind. Luffy was like a machine, grabbing up pies at a blinding rate and shoving them in. Chopper had taken advantage of his morphing ability, jumping to a form with more stomachs. Usopp wasn't going to go down, not like this. He had to distract Luffy, draw him away from the contest, then he could scare Chopper off and win by default. In a quick effort to distract him, Usopp picked up an uneaten pie and lobbed it straight at Luffy's head.

Luffy dodged neatly, stretching his head forward so that the pie shot off into the sea. Luffy grinned broadly, and tossed a pie back. Usopp also dodged, and the pie zipped past him and…

Hit the sleeping Zoro square in the face. "What the hell!" Zoro shouted as he leapt up. "Can't I get some sleep around here?" He grabbed up two pies and threw one each at Luffy and Usopp. Luffy and Usopp both dodged, and they hit Nami and Sanji as he ogled her.

"What the hell?" Sanji and Nami barked in unison.

"Shitty Marimo," Sanji continued. "Wasting my pie and getting Nami's face dirty!" Sanji aimed a powerful kick at one of the stacks of pie. Three flew out, one of which made contact with Zoro, but another of which flew in a wide arc over to where a certain archaeologist sat, reading, and hit her square in the face.

A deathly silence gripped the crew, aside from Luffy who kept shoveling pie into his mouth, unaware that the contest had ceased. Only a few days ago, this woman had been their enemy, an assassin in a Shichibukai's secret society. Even Sanji was too fear-struck to apologize for shooting a pie at a lady.

Increasing their fear and tension, Robin closed her book oh-so-slowly, then wiped the remaining fruity mixture off of her face deliberately. She stood and turned, looking at her new nakama.

Luffy stopped eating. "Oi, Robin. Wanna join our contest?"

"You're going to regret doing that to me," Robin said, giving the Straw Hats a look that made even Luffy take notice. "Veinte Fleur!"

They all tensed. Chopper and Usopp ducked behind the pile of pies, Zoro's hand strayed to the hilt of Wado Ichimonji. Twenty hands sprouted, and grabbed up twenty pies. Each of her nakama found themselves impacted by three pies, with an extra hitting both Sanji and Luffy.

The extra hands dissolved, then the others cleared the fruity mess away from their faces. They saw Robin standing before them, smiling.

"I win," she said shortly. Everyone dissolved into laughter.

Robin was going to fit in fine.


	10. Electricity

10. Electricity

Rating: T

~~~~~~~~~~~~00000000~~~~~~~~~

Many nightmares haunted Nico Robin's sleep, but only one of them was attached to a fond memory.

~0~

She stands on the white cobblestones in between two men. Before her stands an absurd-looking man, almost like a caricature of what someone thought a God was supposed to look like. She struggles with the mounting feeling of panic that always comes over her when she is outsmarted and trapped.

"I hate shallow women," the so-called God says, then points at her. His hand lights up with electricity, then a lethal bolt zips towards her. She cannot escape.

~0~

Robin woke up in a cold sweat, somewhat disappointed. She had woken up before the good part.

That dream wouldn't stay out of Robin's mind. All that day she thought of it, until their arrival at the next island pushed it from her head.

"Hold on," said Franky, an abnormal look of fear in his eyes. "Why exactly do we have to go ashore here?"

"Look at the Log Pose," Nami replied, holding it up for verification. The needle flitted and jumped wildly. "This is the right island, but it's not setting because of all the electrical interference."

"But still…" Franky said nervously, "why does that mean we have to go ashore?"

"We need to be on the island, but away from the interference," Nami explained. "That means find a cave or shelter of some sort, and it should set. The researchers on Weatheria warned me about this."

"But…." Usopp interjected, his voice quivering noticeably, "do we all have to?"

Usopp turned to look at the island fearfully. It was Raigame Shima, the island of Lightning Rain.

A few hours later, eight of the Straw Hats could be seen, walking in a close-knit group through a canyon that cut through a hill that shielded the island's interior. Weather patterns meant that it rained constantly on this island, as moisture was attracted from other sectors of the sea, but every drop of rain on the island was supercharged with electricity as it fell from the sky. Centuries of such rain had left the island a blasted wasteland, which looked to be devoid of life.

There was no way to know that, however, and that's why everyone had come along. Chopper had warned that creatures always adapt to their environments, and anything that adapted to live here would have to be especially strong, so they figured there was safety in numbers, especially when those numbers included Luffy, Zoro, and Sanji. Only Franky had remained behind, because his body's high metal content meant it was far too dangerous for him to go ashore. Franky was happy to oblige, given some bad run-ins in the past regarding electric shock.

Nami protected the rest of the group from the lightning rain. She had positively charged her Clima Tact, prompting the electricity to seek the positive source, so that it leapt out of the raindrops as they fell and leapt into the Clima Tact harmlessly. The Clima Tact wouldn't protect them if the Straw Hats had any exposed metal, however, so Zoro and Brook had been soundly warned to keep their swords sheathed. But for now, aside from getting soaked, they were all safe.

It is a hard thing to separate a swordsman from his instinct, as they soon discovered. As they walked along, a small rock suddenly dislodged itself from the top of the canyon and came bouncing down among the Straw Hats. They all tensed, but in Zoro's case, that meant clasping Wado Ichimonji, and pulling it from its sheath, just slightly.

As if sensing the presence of a conductive surface, the lightning rain immediately leapt away from Nami's Clima Tact and found the steel of Zoro's katana. High voltage arced through Zoro's body in an instant.

"Luffy!" Nami shouted. She had prepared for this possibility.

"Yosh!" Luffy replied, whipping his arm out and grabbing Wado Ichimonji. The lightning continued to zap towards it as he pulled it away, but it did not harm the rubber man.

Ambient electricity flickered in Zoro's body as he collapsed, his limp limbs no longer able to support him. What happened next, however, surprised everyone.

Nico Robin dove to catch him. It was irrational, and it was out of character for her, but the dream had been on her mind. She had a debt to repay. She should have let him collapse to the ground as he was, the hardened warrior should be able to take simple electrocution and a slight fall. She could have used her devil fruit power to catch him, as it would have been faster, but instead she dove to catch him.

Robin held him in her arms for a time. He coughed, and opened his eye weakly.

"He's a man," Robin said.

Everyone stared at them with varying degrees of confusion, but Zoro smiled at her.

"And you're… a woman," he said slowly.

Robin smiled back, and helped him to his feet.

_Author's Note: Yay, I'm 1/3__rd__ of the way done with this! I've enjoyed it so far, and would like to thank PomRania, Tare-Chan, lochrann, JuzSomeone, and anyone else whose name can't come to mind atm for reviewing. This one is an obvious twist on a known ZoRo moment (about which I've written a story already)_


	11. Warrior

11. Warrior

Rating: T

~~~~~~~~~~~~~00000000~~~~~~~~~

Every dawn training began at the dojo with a little ritual. The students would face a picture that hung on the wall and bow before it. Many dojo had a picture that represented an ideal, something for the students to strive for as they honed their bodies and minds. Many dojo would portray these ideals as an abstraction of some kind, a carefully drawn kanji, or a picture of a landscape that held the attributes they would seek to achieve. Discipline, Courage, Strength, Respect, Honesty, Honor, Loyalty, each dojo had their respective ideal. One dojo, however, found a way to bind many ideals into one. In one idol, they had a symbol of everything that they should seek to achieve and more. For each ideal, they had a mantra, a phrase that each dojo student had to take to heart.

_Discipline is to be able to nap anywhere, anytime, and yet be ready for battle._

_ Courage is to be willing to shoulder the burdens of your friends, to be willing to take their pain as your own._

_ Strength is the ability to fight a six-armed foe, merely a day after a near-death experience._

_ Respect means never striking your foe in the back. Ever._

_ Honesty is admitting that your rival has something to teach you, if it can help you better serve._

_ Honor is paying off your debts, no matter how arbitrary or cruel._

_ Loyalty is following a crazy dreamer and a crazy dream, all the way through to the end._

Yes, they had one idol that could embody all these points and more. The students of the Frost Moon Dojo would raise their heads from their kowtowing, many with awe in their eyes as they observed the poster.

WANTED  
RORONOA ZORO

B$120,000,000

DEAD OR ALIVE

_Note: Somewhat of a cop-out, but I made it more interesting by incorporating the 7 virtues of Bushido (though I replaced two of the more obscure ones). Next one will be fluffy!_


	12. Ugly Shirt

12. Ugly Shirt

Rating: T

Note: This occurs later in the same timeline as "Clouds," though reading Clouds is non-essential for understanding it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~000000000~~~~~~~~~

"Jan Ken Pon!"

"Ha! I win!"

"No way, shithead! You moved before I did!"

"That's just because I'm faster than you!"

"Just do it again, or are you scared?"

"Fft. Scared? I could kick your ass any day of the week! Bring it!"

"Jan Ken Pon!"

"Ha ha! See? I'll beat you every time!"

"Fine, just… fine!" Sanji spat. "But you have to do it next time!"

"Feh," Zoro replied. "Just shut up and take the laundry." He then left.

"And don't "just happen" to get a nosebleed on my panties this time!" Nami added viciously. "Those stains don't come out, right, Robin?"

"Hmm?" Robin said, as if snapping out of a daze. "Oh, yes Nami-san," she said with a smile.

"Nami-swan, will you condemn me for being so struck by your beauty?" Sanji asked in a hurt tone.

"YES!" Nami shouted. "Get to work!" Once Sanji had danced away, sounds of "Mellorine" on his lips, she turned to her nakama. "Robin, what's wrong? You've seemed so distracted today."

"Nothing," Robin lied, putting on one of her trademark deceptive smiles.

Nami smiled mischievously. Robin was almost too easy to read lately. "It has something to do with Zoro, right? You worried he's going to pop the question?"

"No, it's not that," Robin replied, one hand moving to rest on her stomach absently. _Close, but not that._

Nami did not believe her, but she simply frowned, and departed. "If you say so."

Robin sighed. She and Zoro had been together for six months now. The time was hard to measure, as the time before their mutual confession now seemed like a different world. That six months had seen the world change, had seen One Piece acquired and the World Revolution begin. Since the stunt she had pulled back at Reverse Mountain, their relationship had rolled along neatly. Certainly there had been challenges, and they had surmounted all of them, but this… She just didn't know. It was different, and it was scary, scary even to a woman who had routinely tangled with some of the mightiest individuals alive and was featured in the most famous pirate crew on the planet. She couldn't stop thinking about it, all the more so because she had only a limited window of time to deal with this on her own terms.

She needed a sign, something that was going to tell her that everything was going to be all right. Lately, Zoro had provided such reassurance, but with this… she was unsure. Thus she needed a sign.

Sanji lugged the huge, smelly laundry sack over one shoulder and down to the Thousand Sunny's laundry room. His brain roiled with a million obscenities about moss-haired swordsmen, but he largely kept them to himself, with only an occasional "shitty" managing to slip its way free. Mostly he contented himself with grinding his teeth on his cigarette. He had mixed feelings about doing laundry on the _Thousand Sunny_. Some clothes were fun to do (Nami and Robin), some at least were neutral (as Chopper and Franky tended not to wear much in the first place and Brook could not secrete any bodily fluids), but the others, it was enough to make Sanji wretch. Luffy, Usopp, and Zoro generally got quite sweaty, and massing their clothing together made for a rather putrid experience.

Sanji sifted through the men's clothes quickly, trying to get onward to the sweet reward. Lights, darks, cottons, he tossed various vests, overalls, haramaki, bandanas, undershirts, and pants aside, Sanji worked without thinking.

Then Christmas came early.

Sanji found amid the clothing one particular article that someone had clearly tried to hide. The problem being that whoever had tried to hide it, did so by wrapping it up inside a green haramaki. Sanji's grin split his face ear-to-ear as he saw it. The sickening shade of washed-out yellow was only the beginning of the hilarious shirt, which also bore the word "MAMA" in broad letters, as well as a hilarious broad face of some red-headed female. Why hadn't he found this shirt before? Oh the months and months of hilarity and teasing that he had missed out on. Down in Sanji's gut, a laugh brewed, one that inexorably made its way to the surface, bubbling out into long peals of laughter.

"Hahahahahahaha!" he laughed, his eyes tearing up from the sheer joy of it all. This. Zoro had worn this? Endlessly hilarious. He staggered out of the laundry room bearing the ugly shirt, drunk on his own amusement.

"Hahaha!" he laughed again as he staggered out on deck. "Can't stop… shirt… hahaha!"

Zoro had been napping on deck when Sanji appeared. "Can you not shut up already?" he asked, opening his eye irately. "What's so damn funny that…?" then he noticed the shirt. "Ch!" he grunted, beginning to blush. "Wh… Where the hell did you find that?"

Sanji smiled a mischievous smile, pure anticipation in his gaze. Zoro knew something quite unpleasant was about to happen. "Hey everyone!" Sanji shouted, waving the shirt around as a banner. "Check out Zoro's shirt!"

"Gimme that back!" Zoro shouted, jumping towards the cook. Sanji stayed his advance by planting his foot against the swordsman's chest. Zoro strained to get nearer, but Sanji held him back. Zoro's rage only mounted as the others began to appear, drawn by Sanji's call. Usopp and Nami appeared first, both choking back laughter when they saw the absurd shirt.

"Mama?" Chopper said, observing the shirt. "But Zoro can't be a Mama, he's a man."

"That's what makes it funny, Chopper-bro," Franky said, a smile sprouting on his face as well.

Thoughts of bloody murder filled Zoro's head, and he would start with the yellow-haired annoyance in front of him, though his heart sank entirely when she appeared. Once Robin joined the others, he stopped struggling as hard.

"Why did you buy a shirt like this?" Usopp asked, still suppressing laughter.

"I didn't buy it!" Zoro returned defensively. "Someone gave it to me!"

"But… why did you keep it?" Nami said, highly amused as well.

"Well, that was…" Zoro hesitated.

Robin knew. She remembered that day, shortly after her rescue from the clutches of CP9, when she had run into Zoro wearing that shirt in Water 7. She remembered that he had been carting around a gang of orphans, somehow drafted into helping them out. It was a fond memory: he had been so deliciously awkward wearing it and carrying around those babies, yet at the same time strangely cute. She knew Zoro well enough after these six months to know that if he still held that shirt, it meant that he attached that hideously ugly shirt to a fond memory as well. The ugly shirt was the sign she had sought.

Later, after the spectacle had died down, Robin sought out Zoro. She found him training, as he often did when he was emotionally distressed. She popped up into the crow's nest gym and interrupted him. "Oi, Robin," he grunted, setting down an obscenely overloaded barbell, "what's up?"

Robin was confident for the first time in days, knowing at last that Zoro would be at her side, even through this next phase. His continued ownership of the ugly shirt guaranteed it. She was ready to talk about it at last. "Zoro," she said, approaching him, "I need to tell you something."

_Author's Note: This links in to Clouds, and I might do others that run together in this timeline. Exactly what Robin is referring to is never stated, but easy enough to figure out if you piece the hints together. I originally intended this to be a pure Zoro story, but decided to add this extra element in to make it a ZoroxRobin story, so in the interest of symmetry, the next story (which was going to be a pure Robin story) will now also be ZoroxRobin. Also: Jan Ken is Japanese Rock-Paper-Scissors._


	13. Angel

13. Angel  
Rating: T

~~~~~~~~~~~~~0000000000~~~~~~~~~~

They had come to G5, the frontier Marine base. Outside of Marine Headquarters and G1, G5 was the strongest-fortified base, known as the frontier because it was the last Marine base, the furthest one into the New World, and thus had to deal with the lawless chaos that persisted so far into Yonkou territory. G5 had been built on an island that served as a chokepoint of sorts, much like Sabaody Archipelago, but for different reasons. Of the many routes you could take through the first part of the New World, they all eventually led to G5 before branching off into the unknown zone. It was brilliant on their part, because it meant that the pirates had to come to them if they wanted to advance. The only alternative was to somehow acquire an eternal pose for an island further down the line

It didn't seem too daunting to the Straw Hats. They had followed the log pose to stranger places (Skypiea) and had knocked over Marine bases before. The pose time was supposed to be five hours. Child's play.

Nami, Franky, and Chopper had been left on board. Nami so that the log pose could set in safety, Franky to guard the ship and possibly fend off any stray battleships, and Chopper to be ready to interdict in case the Diversion party ran into more trouble than they could deal with.

The rest had all gone out, a diversionary team. The idea was that they would just hit the base with everything they had, and the marines would be too distracted to notice the _Thousand Sunny_ drifting under the sheer cliffs that ringed the island while the log set. The basic layout of the island saw a lower base that housed the main barracks, then a well-guarded road up a hill to the officers' quarters. Currently Brook was keeping the main barracks area occupied, given that many of the Marines were fans of the "Soul King," and a riot broke out as some of them refused to move to apprehend the pirate. The others had managed to find a narrow path that hugged the cliff, a secret route up to the officers' quarters. Thinking they could get up there and knock out the larger cannons, they proceeded carefully along the precarious path, only four feet separating the sheer cliff up, and an equally sheer drop to the sea below. Luffy was in front, then Sanji, Usopp, and Robin, with Zoro bringing up the rear. Things were proceeding quite well until…

"There they are! Get them!"

"Shit," Sanji muttered, "they found us." They all craned their necks way up, seeing a few Marines peering over the side.

"Ha!" one of them laughed, "this'll be like shooting fish in a barrel!"

The Marines dragged over a bazooka, pointing it straight down, and fired.

"We're dead!" Usopp shouted. The cliff face was not entirely straight, however, and the bazooka round exploded on impact with a nub that jutted out from the wall. That did not help them, as the whole cliff face came loose in the explosion and started sliding down towards the trapped pirates.

"Come on!" Luffy shouted, throwing an arm around Usopp and Sanji. "We'll take the short way!" The rocks started falling faster after that, shattering onto the path. Luffy jumped backwards, but now they were separated from Zoro and Robin.

"Come on!" Luffy repeated, gesturing towards the two of them.

"I've got him!" Robin assured. "Just go!"

Zoro raised an eyebrow on "I've got him," and could only spurt out a shocked "wait, what?" when Robin seized him bodily and leapt off the cliff. He only had an instant to see Luffy's free arm shoot up to drag himself up before he started to fall towards the sea with the devil-fruit user.

"Cien Fleur, Wing!" To Zoro's great surprise, fifty arms sprouted out of both of Robin's shoulders, forming broad wings of the same tone as her skin. The impromptu wings spread wide, slowing their fall from the wind resistance. Then the wings flapped. For those few seconds, as Robin began to soar upwards, Zoro felt a sensation of elation that he had never felt before, as Robin flew, carrying him. The trouble was, that unmatched ecstasy didn't last very long. Robin's strong flaps began to flag, her wings arching less on each flap. Zoro turned to look at the woman who held him, seeing the strain plainly evident on her face.

"I can't… keep this up… very long," she panted. "Too heavy."

"What?" Zoro yelped. "I'm not that heavy!" but the swordsman's mind was racing past his bluster. When her wings gave out, there was nothing stopping them from plummeting straight into the ocean, where Robin would be helpless. Normally he would be up to dragging her all the way around the island where the _Thousand Sunny_ waited, but he didn't like their chances with all these Marines around. They had to land somewhere safe, safe. The cliff face had collapsed along the narrow path, ruining it, and the side of the cliff was sheer otherwise.

Mostly. He spotted it only about twelve feet up from where the waves lapped hungrily against the cliff, a tiny jut of rock that looked just wide enough for two. "There!" he said, pointing down. "Make for that spot!"

Robin's wings flapped more desperately, putting all her effort into getting above that spot. Finally her wings gave a last, feeble flap before they dissolved into a thousand flower petals. Almost there. They were almost there, but they needed to be just a little closer to the cliff. Now Zoro embraced Robin in turn, trying to angle their dive towards the cliff. As they fell, his back made contact with the rough cliff. It was painful, but he kept sliding along the cliff as it tore into his back. Finally they stopped, perched upon the narrow jutting rock, splashed by spray a little as the waves lapped below them.

Robin was hunched over, breathing heavily. "Are you okay?" he asked. He felt uncomfortably close to her, or would have, but their mutual dive had been in a close embrace, and it felt less awkward now that they were safe.

"Fine," she finally sighed, her breath steadying. She looked at her companion, whom she had just saved and had just saved her in turn. Zoro's face looked odd, like he was holding back a chuckle. "Is something funny, Zoro-san?"

"No, just… nothing," Zoro replied.

"Did you find my trick amusing?"

Zoro raised an eyebrow. _Damn her for being able to read me like that._

"It is kind of ironic," Robin continued. "That the Demon of Ohara should sprout Angel's Wings."

"Why is that ironic?" Zoro asked, refusing to get caught by his somewhat rude impulse.

"I'm certain you've noticed," Robin said with one of her trademark smiles, "that I have never tended to act like an angel. Even if I've been redeemed, I'm still more demon than angel."

"Depends," Zoro said, leaning back against the wall. "Would a demon save her nakama, or just let him drop into the ocean?"

Robin chuckled. "Maybe not," she said. "But it's still ironic."

"Kinda," Zoro admitted, now chuckling as well. "So what do we do now?"

As if in answer, they saw a Marine go flying off the cliff to land in the sea about half a mile away. "Let's just wait until they finish up. They'll find us eventually," Robin said, leaning against Zoro's shoulders.

"Sounds fine," Zoro replied, placing an arm around her shoulder in turn.


	14. Salvage

14. Salvage

Rating: K+

* * *

For decades there had been a problem on that island. Ships got out only so far, and then sank mysteriously. It happened randomly enough that the islanders were never able to figure out what was going on. There was no common thread between the sunken ships, belonging to marines, pirates, merchants, or tourists of all stripes. Another odd point on the sunken ships was the low mortality rate. The ships would be slit neatly in two, allowing most everyone, even those buried well belowdecks, a chance to swim for safety. Only those that got caught in the initial splitting were wounded or killed.

The randomness in the timing and selection of the attacks led to fear. There was a senseless monster of some sort under the sea, they imagined. Working on the likely explanation that it was a Sea King, the government of the island went to great expense to lay kairoseki mines underwater, but the attacks kept happening. A local legend emerged, about a demon in the water: mindless, untraceable, a ship sinking machine.

But because of the low mortality rate, the island benefitted from the Demon in the Water. Thrill seekers from all over flocked to the island on the off-chance that their ship might be sunk. Given that the ships were always split open in certain ways, the local port authority began publishing manuals for ships docking on the island, that the passengers at least might stand in a safe spot, and the mortality rate was soon reduced to zero. Tourism spiked further, but the problem went on unabated.

Fully seventy years passed, with ships continually sinking. The growth of the legend and surrounding lore had completely redefined the island's culture and economy, but as technology grew with the years, curious people eventually came around, intent to do a serious investigation into the Demon in the Water. A scientific team came in a submarine, their goal to salvage the wreckage of the many sunken ships to see what evidence they could find, what the sinker was taking from the ships (if anything), or otherwise doing to them. They knew the risks, that the Demon might destroy their sub and them along with it, but the lure of discovery drove them on.

"Wait, what is that?" the team leader asked, looking at the monitor. They had seen a mysterious figure dart around the prow of a long-sunken galleon.

"Definitely something alive down here," the pilot replied. The pilot grinned, happy to have found something more than old junk, and moved the sub closer. Again they saw the figure on the monitor, vaguely man-like, and it was walking.

"Wait. Walking?" the scientist asked for emphasis. "Who would do that?" Walking ruled out mermaids or Fishmen, who would swim. Even regular humans would swim down here, everyone would.

"It's coming this way!" the pilot shouted.

"Brace for impact!" the scientist warned. He clenched the control panel nervously, fearing imminent depressurization. Tension ran at its peak for a moment, then was broken. _Clang clang clang. _

"That can't be, knocking?" asked the pilot.

_Clang clang clang._

"Get someone in a pressure suit and into the air-lock," the scientist ordered. "If whatever's out there hasn't destroyed us yet, it's safe enough to send someone out there."

No-one was eager to go, but they couldn't refute the scientist's logic. So one unfortunate got into a pressure suit and stepped into the air-lock chamber. It took fully fifteen minutes to safely depressurize, drain the water, and then repressurize. The man sent in the pressure-suit returned first. "You're not going to believe this, boss."

Behind that man was another man, quite old, wearing a ragged white shirt. He was a one-eyed old man with a wild mane of shaggy white hair that grew in all directions. The man was soaked through to the bone, but breathing quite normally. Three swords hung sheathed at his side.

"Where's his pressure suit?" asked the scientist.

"He didn't have one," replied the pressure-suit man.

"You didn't have a suit?" the scientist asked the old man directly. "How did you breathe?"

"Eh," the old man sighed, shrugging his shoulders. "I dunno."

"Okay," the scientist said, deciding to move on from that unscientific impossibility. "Do you know who's been sinking the ships?"

"Me," the old man replied simply, drawing one sword. "Gotta eat somehow."

"So why didn't you go back on land?" This was beyond anything even the wildest of legends had imagined. A man living down here somehow for seventy years, destroying the ships for food.

"I was waiting for my nakama," the main said, an annoyed look on his face. "But they got lost or something. I went south just like they said to. But they haven't figured it out yet."

"But why were you on the ocean floor?"

"I told you, I went south," the old man said, pointing down resolutely.

"You mean down?"

"Yeah. Down, south, same thing," the old man said dismissively.

One of the science crew snickered in the background.

"What's your name?" the scientist asked.

"Zoro, Roronoa Zoro," the old man replied.

"Alright, just one more question," the scientist said, rubbing his face in frustration. "How did you breathe down here?"

"Eh," Zoro repeated, "I dunno."

_Author's Note: I know, I know, another "Zoro gets lost" story. All I could really think of, but I think I captured the "idiot-savant"-ness of Zoro well enough here. Exciting halfway ficlet comes up next!_


	15. Ark

15. Ark

Rating: T

Note: Parts of this are inspired by a song, but I hesitate to call it a songfic. I tried making it match the lyrics more closely, but it got too awkward, so it became a looser adaptation. This one is set about 2 months before the events of "Clouds."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~000000000~~~~~~~~~~~~

Times were bad for the Straw Hat crew. Enemies encircled them from all sides, and just when it seemed like they couldn't afford to have anything else happen, something else did happen:

Enel's Ark fell from the sky.

They were uncertain as to how it had happened, and apparently Enel himself was no longer on board, but the solid gold ark forged out of all the stolen gold of ancient Shandra had fallen into the New World, none too far from where the Straw Hats currently fought for their lives. Nami insisted that they had to have it. That Ark had to be worth more than all the treasure in the Grand Line, outside of One Piece itself. Somehow the Ark was floating, but it wasn't theirs for the taking. Kaidou the Yonkou chased it as well. Normally the Yonkou had surpassed the simple need for treasure, moving on instead to play games of power politics, but even a Yonkou couldn't ignore a solid gold ark of such worth, not when it was in his territory.

But the Straw Hats could ill-afford to chase a golden ark, no matter how valuable. A whole marine fleet was on their heels, led by the recently-appointed Admiral Magellan. To make matters worse, the Supernova Scratchmen Apoo was also chasing them, determined to eliminate the rival Supernova crew. So the Straw Hats split up temporarily. Luffy went to challenge Magellan, only he stood a chance against the poison-man, knowing the horrible damage he could inflict. Chopper went with him, hoping that his skill could counterbalance Magellan's poison in case he managed to make contact. Nami, Usopp, and Franky stayed with the _Sunny_. Putting their heads together, the three of them hoped to devise the ultimate Weather Bomb, something that could devise a storm so powerful that it would make it impossible for the Marines, or anyone else, to chase them any further. Brook left to challenge Scratchmen Apoo, as Brook wanted to test his musical power against that of the music-powered Supernova, and Sanji went to help him.

It was left to Zoro and Robin to retrieve the golden Ark.

Zoro fought Kaidou ferociously, wounded in a half-dozen places. It was nothing to wonder at, for Kaidou was one of the Yonkou, who fought on equal footing with such titans as Whitebeard and Shanks. It was more wonderful that Zoro was actually holding his own, though Zoro was lucky that Kaidou had enough honor to fight Zoro himself, and not send his entire crew in to overwhelm him. Kaidou's flagship was pulled up next to the Ark, dwarfing even that golden behemoth, but Kaidou could not claim it yet: two pirates were in his way.

Though Kaidou was too noble to let his crew attack the green-haired warrior, he was willing to let his crew attack the annoying woman that was tampering with the Ark. Robin had been sent with Zoro because she was the only one of the crew who could repair and control an entire ship of that size all by herself. Straining her powers to their limits, she was assessing damage to the ship and repairing it as fast as she could, having been given a crash course in ship mechanics by Franky, taking in all her sharp mind could absorb. She also had to deal with the occasional brave pirate from Kaidou's crew leaping over to try to take her out. Zoro helped stop some of them, lobbing a 36-pound cannon or two at pirates that tried to slide past him as he dueled Kaidou, though that left him open for punishment at the hands of the Yonkou. Hundreds of hands, eyes, and legs worked together to get the ark back to a halfway-working phase. They were on a strict timetable, as they knew the Weather Bomb would go off soon. Robin had to have the Ark's basic steering and rigging back in order before then, or the whole thing would go down in the ensuing storm.

The clouds darkened, and her time was up. Robin had gotten the steering down pretty well, but the main rigging still needed work, not to mention the many intricate subsystems that Enel had installed, though those needed electricity to run. They just needed to be able to steer it and keep it afloat, and Robin was close enough.

It came just in time. Zoro was at his limit. Certainly he could take much more damage than he already had, but given the level of power Kaidou wielded, one good hit could be ruinous. Currently two swords held Kaidou's attack in check, but Zoro was slipping, slipping inexorably into defeat, then one hand appeared, tapping him on the shoulder. Time to go.

Zoro reached deep into wells of strength that he kept in reserve, breaking free from Kaidou's killing blow and racing over to the helm of Kaidou's ship. In one slash, he severed the steering wheel from its housing. Kaidou would have a fun time riding out the coming storm with no steering. Zoro then leapt free, slicing through a few more of Kaidou's crew that had tried to get aboard the Ark in the process. He joined Robin, who stood at the helm. There was only time for the two weary nakama to exchange a quick smile, then the storm struck.

The ship bucked wildly as it rode the seas that rose in torment. "So where are we going with this?" Zoro shouted over the roar of the storm.

"I'm actually uncertain," Robin also said loudly. "Nami-san claimed the storm would send us in the right direction. If we survive that long," she added with a smile.

Zoro shielded his face with one arm against the sudden rain. "Do you think we can make it through this?"

"We'll find out," Robin said, hunching over the golden ship's wheel. She had multiple arms clutching the wheel, straining against the rush job she had done repairing the steering and rudder, hoping that it wouldn't fail on her. Suddenly they saw a grand wave rise to their left, towering over even that large ark. The ship heeled severely to the left as the wave overwhelmed it. Robin lost her footing, kicked up in the wind like a rag doll.

"You've got to hold on!" Zoro shouted. Even he would have trouble surviving in such rough seas if he were pitched overboard, but it was a death sentence for the devil-fruit user. Robin lost her grip slowly, the rungs of the ship's wheel proving to be a poor support. Finally her hands gave way, and she separated from the wheel, poised to fly into oblivion.

Zoro was faster, fortunately for her. The swordsman moved to the ship's rail, grabbing on with one arm for support, then with the other reaching out and taking Robin's outstretched hand just before she fell to her death.

"We have to get inside!" he shouted over the wind. Robin gave a barely perceptible nod, and then a chain of forearms appeared running from the rail up to the door into the ark's interior. The arms hung almost vertical, as the ark was near to capsizing as it was. Zoro wrapped one arm firmly around Robin's frame and with the other grabbed at the arm chain, and pulled them both up. One grab at a time he went, fighting gravity, the pain of his wounds, the wind, the rain, the slickness of Robin's body. He had to keep adjusting his grip, to make sure that she did not slip away from him. And one grab at a time they made it, shoving the golden door inward and collapsing just on the right side. By some miracle the ark did not capsize, righting itself, though the storm continued to wreak havoc outside.  
They simply lay there for a time, stretched on the golden floor, too wounded, weather beaten, and exhausted to move, with Robin firmly wrapped in Zoro's arm. Things were bad, they could very well capsize at any instant, and even if they did survive, there was no guarantee that they would end up in the right place, or hopelessly lost, sitting ducks on a target that everyone in the New World would be going for. There were no guarantees that any of them would come back from any of their respective struggles.

No guarantees, no safety.

Well, that was not entirely true. Robin felt pretty safe right now, tucked in the crook of Zoro's arm like that. Despite the storm that raged outside and the unnavigable solid gold ark they were currently trapped in, she felt quite safe with him.

Zoro was having similar thoughts, despite the dire straits they found themselves in, he was comfortable with her. Despite their differences, he always felt comfortable with Robin, feeling more at peace now with her amid the storm and the chaos than he had in a while.

The two lay there for a time, thinking similar thoughts, until Zoro broke the silence. "You know," he said, turning to face his nakama "it doesn't matter if we make it or not."

Robin nodded. "We've got each other," she added, "and that's a lot."

They were both silent again, looking at one another. Both were relieved to find that the feelings that both had harbored for each other for some time were mutual. Their previous reservations about their feelings seemed foolish now, when death was just around the corner.

As if to try and test their resolve, the silence was broken by a loud popping sound. "What was that?" Zoro asked, sitting up suddenly.

"If Franky-san's lessons taught me anything, that was the sound of a rudder snapping," Robin said, sitting up as well.

"So we can't steer anymore?"

"Exactly," Robin said. "We're halfway there."

"Halfway where?" Zoro asked, perplexed as ever by his new girlfriend's bluntness.

"Success or failure," Robin said. "Whatever we're moving towards, it's out of our hands now."

"Eh," Zoro sighed, "that makes it easy." He dragged himself over to one of the golden walls, then propped himself against it, shutting his eye. "Wake me if we capsize."

"Certainly," Robin replied, though she laid herself against his shoulders, shutting her eyes as well. It was all they could do.

When Zoro woke up, the Ark felt stable. Robin was already awake, standing and looking out the open door. Sunlight was streaming in.

"So we made it?" Zoro asked.

"It looks like it," Robin said with a smile. "You should see this."

Zoro took her hand, and they stepped out into a new world together. Outside, they saw the _Thousand Sunny,_ with all of their nakama waving at them happily. All except for Nami, who was in the water, swimming frantically towards the solid gold Ark that had been delivered to her.

_You live for the fight if that's all that you got_.

_Author's Note: Figure it out? It's very loosely based on "Livin' on a Prayer," by Bon Jovi. That song was playing on the bus one day while I was pondering plots for this, so I felt compelled to integrate it somewhere, and figured it might as well be when I was "halfway there." And I am halfway there now. 15 down, 15 to go. I'll keep on writing, and you keep on reading ;)_


	16. Drift

16. Drift

Rating: T

~~~~~~~~~~~~~0000000000~~~~~~~~~~

They were lost again, drifting out at sea on their small two-person catamaran. Robin pored over the detailed maps Nami had given her before they left, comparing them carefully to the directions on the eternal pose. They had gotten lost before, and likely would again. Generally the savvy archaeologist would be irritated by such incompetence, but she didn't mind this time. A little bit of drifting shouldn't bother her: she was used to it.

She had drifted for decades, after all. Twenty years of homelessness that diminished her spirit and warped her morality. She had lived in a savage world of treachery, a world where she had to betray her comrades before they betrayed her. The cycle had been endless: find a crew that was strong or savage enough to be willing to associate themselves with the Demon of Ohara, do some horrible deed to prove her worth and loyalty, then play the waiting game until she could betray or was betrayed in turn.

In her drifting she found a place of security, she had thought. She found a man so dangerous and so well-positioned that none except the mightiest figures in the world would trifle with him, and she was so essential to his mission that his betrayal was unthinkable. For this safety, she sold her soul, leading one kingdom to the brink of civil war and total annihilation. Even after selling her soul, however, she had not bought her safety, being betrayed by that man in the end, and helping to betray him. Cast adrift again, she was now hopeless, but in her despair, she drifted home.

~0~

The islands had moved on them again, drifting out at sea on their small two-person catamaran. Zoro dozed peacefully, unperturbed by geography's peculiar way of changing itself on him at random intervals. This seemed to happen to him a lot, after all, but lately he was starting to enjoy it. The swordsman was no stranger to drifting, either.

Ever since he had made his promise to Kuina, he had drifted. Initially he had been young and confident that the road to Dracule Mihawk, while arduous, was straightforward, that it would simply be a matter of walking forward, conquering his foes as they came. Geography defied him, those cunning roads, clouds, and islands, always changing position on him. He soon found himself reduced to bounty hunting to survive, the noble art of fighting degraded to a monetary pursuit, but it was necessary. He drifted from one bounty to the next, inevitably taking on the title of "Pirate Hunter," that he had never asked for.

It hit rock-bottom when he drifted into a Marine town and ran afoul of the punk son of a corrupt Marine, and then was sentenced to starve. Things turned around when the rookie pirate liberated him, then he got his revenge on that punk kid, and was soon united with the irritating red-haired woman who managed to make geography stop screwing with him, and got to fight some interesting guys.

Then it collapsed again. Defeated, at the hands of Mihawk. The man he had pledged to beat, and he had made it look beyond easy, as though Zoro were less than a fly to be swatted away. As he recovered from the wound and the humiliation, he got entangled in a new conflict, a conflict in part involving a certain woman, an enemy whom he would never trust, but that's a story that is elsewhere told. Though the Straw Hats never stopped moving, Zoro didn't feel like he was drifting anymore.

~0~

Zoro opened his eye, looking at the archaeologist as she tried to check their bearings. Robin noticed his glance. "We got lost again," Robin said shortly, though she smiled.

"Ch," Zoro grunted, "you have to sleep sometime, and those clouds keep moving on me."

"We should probably get back on course," Robin prodded. "Navigator-san's patience is probably wearing thin."

Zoro sighed, sitting up. "Come here," he said, then grabbed Robin's shoulder and pulled her to the catamaran's small deck. Robin took the hint and laid down beside him.

"This is highly irresponsible," Robin said, smiling at her nakama.

"But it's relaxing, right?" Zoro asked.

"In the right company," Robin replied.

Even though they were lost at sea, drifting aimlessly, they both felt right at home.

_Note: Ehh, not my best work so far, but this prompt was a little awkward. Next one will be a little stupid humor._


	17. Slingshot

17. Slingshot

Rating: T

~~~~~~~~~~~000000000~~~~~~~~~

Luffy had been captured. It had been simple, absurdly simple, after so many had tried besting Luffy in combat and failed, someone took the time to study him and snared him with relative ease.

~0~

"Oooooo!" Luffy moaned, looking at the sign above the shop. "Exotic Meat!"

"Ugh," Usopp replied, holding his nose. "Maybe they meant expired meat? That stuff smells poisonous."

Luffy frowned at his nakama. "Then you don't want any?"

"No," Sanji replied in Usopp's stead, quite forcibly. "That stuff is not coming back on the ship."

Luffy's frown changed smoothly into a broad smile, "Yosh! More for me then!" Luffy thrust open the door to the shop and charged in. The stench from the open door caused Usopp to collapse to the ground, and Sanji retched, though nothing came up. They fled the scene as soon as they were able to.

~0~

The meat had indeed been poisonous. Luffy was handily captured when he was laid low by a bout of food poisoning, though the Straw Hats didn't figure it out until that evening when their Captain failed to return for dinner. They immediately backtracked to the shop, only to find that the Exotic Meat shop was now abandoned, as if no-one had been occupying that space for some time.

A little bit of detective work yielded the culprit: a cunning bounty hunter who exclusively wielded kairoseki weaponry. The bounty hunter was unique in other ways. First of all, he refused to accept Luffy's paltry B$400,000,000 bounty, instead starting a bidding war between interested world powers for the ability to take Luffy's head. Two of the Yonkou, as well as the World Government and Commodore Drake got in on the war, and the Straw Hats would have to save him conventionally, as even if they did have the money, a certain navigator would never let them spend it.

The second thing that made the bounty hunter unique was that he owned his own castle. It was more of a tower than a castle, funded by the exaggerated bounties he had acquired from his bidding wars, no doubt. It was about 1,000 feet high with sheer walls, and a simple-yet-elegant manor house at the top, a lonely tower on an island barely large enough to contain it.

Someone had to get up to the top of that tower to rescue Luffy.

"So wait," Zoro said, a hint of growing panic in his voice. "Why am I doing this?"

Normally to get up to the top of a tower like that, Luffy could be counted upon with his Gum-Gum Rocket. To rescue Luffy, they needed an artificial facsimile. Usopp had whipped something up neatly enough: a huge, bright red rubber band. The rubber band had been suspended in a metallic rigging which held its two ends, and also strung it back taut.

"Just shut up and do it," Sanji said emphatically.

"Not until you answer!" Zoro spat back. "Why am _I_ doing _this_?"

Zoro's consternation was easily apparent, as he was resting with his feet against the rubber band, his body stretched vertically, two swords drawn and pointing ahead.

"Somebody has to do it," Nami said, "and I'm just a sweet, innocent woman."

"Like hell," Zoro replied.

"I'm too small to go…" Chopper said sheepishly.

"I have I-can't-get-shot-out-of-a-slingshot disease!" Usopp testified.

"Stop bullshitting!" Zoro shouted.

"Being just bones, I am too light, and would fly off into the sky…" Brook lamented.

"And I'm too heavy," Franky added.

"The truth is that you're the strongest out of the rest of us," Robin said. "You are the most logical choice, Kenshi-san."

"But why am I dressed like this?" Zoro barked. Another valid question, as he was wearing a full rubber bodysuit that covered everything except his face that made him look beyond ridiculous.

"Aerodynamics," Usopp said knowingly. "I couldn't calculate the shot right if I had to account for wind resistance from clothes and stuff."

"Plus it looks just perfect on you!" Sanji said in a girly tone.

"Shut the hell up," Zoro spat back.

"Once you're up there, you'll have to try to find an elevator or staircase or something so that you can let the rest of us in if you need our help," Nami reminded.

"Remember to keep your head tucked, Zoro-bro," Franky said encouragingly.

"But wait, what if I…?" but Zoro's last statement was cut off, as Franky loosed the main latch holding the slingshot taut, and Zoro was off.

For a split second, he panicked utterly, but then felt elation as he soared higher and higher at an astounding rate. _Whoa. I'm flying through the air! This is the greatest moment of my…_

_ Crunch._

The remaining Straw Hats watched Zoro as he fell after hitting the side of the tower.

"Damnit," Usopp observed. "He didn't tuck his head."


	18. Laugh

18. Laugh

Rating: T

~~~~~~~~~0000000000~~~~~~~~~~

"You shouldn't have challenged me like this, Luffy," Usopp said, his gaze determined and his voice stern. "You're going to fall, hard."

"No way," Luffy said, his voice low and serious. "I'm not gonna back down!"

War had broken out on the _Thousand Sunny_. For some reason best known only to them, "Comedy War" had been declared between Luffy and Usopp, to determine once and for all who among them was the funniest Straw Hat. The terms were simple: outside of Usopp and Luffy, there were seven other Straw Hats, making a tie impossible. Luffy and Usopp would try their hardest to convince their nakama laugh, and whoever got at least four of the others to laugh first would be the winner.

Brook fell first.

"Gomu Gomu no Fuusen!" Luffy inflated his body to a vast size, laid himself face down on the deck, then started to bounce and flop around comically. "Going to bring," he sang, "Bink his sake." When Brook saw the scene, it seemed as though his mouth turned up in a grin, though he had no facial muscles with which to convey a smile (yohoho). "Look, Brook! I'm a whale!"

"Yohohohohohohoho!" Brook roared with laughter. "My sides are splitting (though I no longer have sides yohoho!)" Brook collapsed to the ground, laughing.

But Usopp quickly evened the score with Franky.

"And then…" Usopp snickered uncontrollably, "then he said, "that's not a 5/8ths wrench, that's a 3/4ths! Hahahahahaha!"

"Hahahahahahaha!" Franky howled, "5/8ths wrench!" Franky blew his nose, tears streaming down his face. "I'm not crying, damnit!"

"Your move," Usopp said, smiling at Luffy maliciously.

"You're not the only one who can use your fancy smart comedy," Luffy said. "Watch this!"

Luffy disappeared for a time, but soon reappeared in the galley. He was wearing a red, vertical-striped shirt, doubtlessly borrowed from Zoro, holding a bouken in each hand and with a third clutched in his teeth. Usopp had beaten him there, trying some sort of absurd routine about fish, and both turned to stare as Luffy staggered into the kitchen as if he were drunk.

"Oi, ero-cook," Luffy said in an artificially husky voice, "do you know where the sake is?"

Sanji raised an eyebrow. Luffy turned to his left and walked into the wall.

"Oi!" Luffy said in that same low tone, "where the hell is the door? How the hell are you supposed to get out of here?" Luffy started brandishing his bouken, weaving around drunkenly. "Maybe I can cut my way out with my swords."

Sanji tried to contain it, he really did (okay, he really didn't), but immediately he was on the ground, laughing hysterically. "Stupid marimo!" he said, contracting as he giggled. "That's perfect!"

_Fine, _Usopp thought. _If_ _you want to play it that way…_

Next Usopp was up in the crow's nest with a blonde wig on his head. "Hey shitty marimo! How shitty are shitty you shitty doing shitty today? Oh, is that Nami? Mellorine!"

Zoro fell easily.

Usopp moved fast to seize the next target and take the initiative away from Luffy entirely.

"Oi, Nami," he said, approaching the orange-haired navigator as she lay sunning herself on the deck.

"Yes, Usopp?"

"How do you hurt the strongest swordsman in the world?"

Nami looked back at Usopp questioningly.

"Raise his debt by 20%."

Nami belonged to Usopp.

"One more and I win," Usopp said with a malevolent grin.

"It's not going to happen," Luffy said, all the more determined as the competition became more rigorous.

Luffy set his sights firmly on Chopper next. Chopper was easy, given that there was one surefire gag that was the key to all of the reindeer's humors: the old chopsticks up the nose trick. After about thirty seconds of staggering around like an idiot with the chopsticks in there, Luffy had Chopper's support firmly, and that meant they had a deadlock again.

It was to Nico Robin to be the tiebreaker, and there both Luffy and Usopp were stumped. Neither of them was certain they had ever heard the morbid archaeologist actually laugh. Cheerful chuckles, sure, Robin chuckled almost uncommonly often, like some sort of catch-all response to anything she had to deal with, but they had never actually heard her really laugh from her heart.

Luffy and Usopp both raced to her location, sunning herself and reading on the lower deck, in a different place than Nami. Luffy still had the chopsticks jammed up his nose. He tried to blitz it, reasoning that his sudden appearance with chopsticks up his nose might catch her off guard. "Hi Robin!" he said, waving broadly at her.

Robin chuckled, only chuckled. "Hi, Luffy-san," she replied. "Any reason for the chopsticks?"

_Damn,_ Luffy thought. "Huh?" he said, feigning cluelessness. "Not really." He threw them away. Usopp arrived soon after that.

"Oi, Robin," he said, "have you heard the one about the historian and the time-traveler?"

"Yes," Robin said, turning the page in the book she was reading. "It's quite clever."

_Damn,_ Usopp also thought. This _is going to be a tough one._ The two erstwhile rivals glared at one another, and then went to it with gusto.

About an hour later, they were still going at it. Both sides had pulled out the big guns, with the grassy deck littered with seltzer bottles, rubber chickens, and quite a few miscellaneous bits of paraphernalia, both comedic and general-purpose. Neither side had broken out the pies, as that gag felt stale even to them. The other nakama had long since gathered to watch the show. Due to her unflappable politeness, Robin had not departed, though she was well aware of what they were trying to do, she was secretly annoyed that they were interfering with her reading time.

Luffy and Usopp were both exhausted and running out of ideas, and it was impacting their moods quite severely. "Okay," Usopp said, scrambling for anything he could think of, "have you heard the one…"

"Oi!" Luffy shouted, interrupting him. "I was going to do that one!"

"I haven't even said what it was yet!" Usopp barked back, "how would you know?"

"Just surrender already!" Luffy said, getting up in Usopp's face. "I'm funnier than you!"

"The great Usopp never surrenders!" Usopp replied, shoving Luffy away from him.

"I'm funnier!" Luffy repeated, shoving back. Their competition then devolved into a straight-up brawl, rubber fists and predatory plants flying back and forth as the two nakama fought. It lasted only seconds, but somehow resulted in Usopp unleashing a huge, carnivorous plant that seized both him and Luffy in its maw and began chewing them.

"Whoa, what the hell?" they both shouted. "Let us out let us out let us out!"

The other straw-hats scrambled to action, with Franky taking a deep breath to unleash some of his Fresh Fire, when they were all halted by a strange sound.

"Hyaaahaahahahahaha!" Robin howled, head thrown back in her merriment.

"Aha!" Luffy shouted, suddenly tearing his way free from the plant, freeing Usopp in the process. "I made her laugh!"

"Like hell you did," Usopp barked. "It was my plant, wasn't it?"

"But I started the fight!" Luffy said, shoving Usopp again. The fight started again, with the other straw hats moving to break it up, except for Robin, who continued to laugh.

_Note: Kind of a force-out to make Robin a little ooc here, but I designated this a Robin prompt way back at the beginning, and figured it was a good challenge._


	19. Sheep

19. Sheep

Rating: T

~~~~~~~~~~000000000~~~~~~~~~

"I'm not sure how a guy like that even got a bounty that high," Yosaku said. "All I did was give him a mean look and he started groveling on the ground like a dog." Yosaku laughed and took a swig of ale. "I didn't even have to pull out my sword."

"What about you, Zoro?" Jonny asked, turning to look at his fellow bounty hunter, his cheeks a little flushed from the alcohol consumption. "What's the easiest bounty you ever got?"

"I dunno," Zoro said, taking another swig himself. "I don't really remember all of them." He took yet another swig with an odd, contemplative look on his face. "Hmm…" he said finally. "There was this one…"

~0~

Jebediah "Fluff" Herrickson was enjoying himself thoroughly. "Fluff," as he preferred to be called, was casually strolling down the street towards the Marine firing line, as the squad of Marines fired round after round of bullets at him. Fluff laughed at their pitiful efforts as he moved closer to them, puffing up his wool coat further.

"Keep firing!"

"It's not working! Get out of here!"

Finally when he was near enough to see the whites of their eyes, Fluff dropped on all fours and charged the Marines, leveling powerful, twisted horns at them. He tossed two aside, but the others escaped. Two Marines managed to hide in a side alley, ducking behind a few barrels.

"What are we going to do? We can't stop him!"

"We have to! The Admiral is going to have our asses if we don't catch this guy here!" They both cringed in fear as they saw a shadow come over them.

"Who are you tryin' to catch?"

"It's the pirate hunter, Roronoa Zoro!"

"We're saved!"

One of the Marines pulled out a Wanted poster. "This guy!" they said in unison. "He can't be stopped!"

Zoro perused the poster, a grin appearing on his face. B$9 million. This "Fluff" would keep him fed for quite some time. "I'll get it," he said.

He stepped out into the street. "Whoa," he said upon observing his target. "What the hell did you eat?"

"Glad you asked, and nice to meet ya sir!" Fluff said, bounding to his feet. "My name is Jebediah Herrickson, but you can call me Fluff! I ate the Sheep-Sheep Fruit, and now I'm a Sheep man! I'm worth a cool 9 million, and no-one can touch me! I will enjoy fighting you, and goodbye!"

"Good… bye?" Zoro said, confused.

"Yeah," Fluff said, a grin on his sheep-muzzled face. "No one who fights me ever lasts long, and I don't want to be rude, so I say my goodbyes like I should."

"Whatever," Zoro said, unsheathing his katana. "Let's do this!"

"Right!" Fluff said eagerly, standing and assuming a fighting stance, pointing his hoof-hands at the swordsman. They tangled momentarily, Zoro dodging around Fluff's attempted blows.

"Oni Giri!" Zoro shouted, throwing out that attack to test the waters.

"Wool Puff!" Fluff rebutted, and his wool coat puffed out further, deflecting Zoro's blades as it grew. "You can try slashing it off," Fluff bragged, "but I'll just grow it back! Not that I'll give you a chance," he added maliciously. Fluff moved quickly, grabbing one of Zoro's lesser katana out of his grasp, then promptly eating the blade.

"What the hell are you doing?" Zoro asked, shocked.

"Eating your swords!" Fluff replied eagerly, swallowing the chunks of steel. "Sheep can eat anything, you know."

Zoro stared at the Sheep-man momentarily, dumbstruck. "I think you mean goats."

"Goats?" Fluff asked, his face falling. "Are you sure?"

"Pretty sure," Zoro said.

"You!" Fluff shouted, pointing at one of the Marines' hiding spots, causing one Marine to jump up in fear. "Is it sheep or goats who can eat anything?"

"Goats," the Marine said fearfully.

"…..Oh," Fluff said, swallowing another jagged bit of steel nervously, then dropping the rest of the katana. "Hmm…." he said, "could you do me a favor, Mr. Bounty Hunter?"

Zoro simply raised an eyebrow at him.

"Could you take me to a hospital?" He then coughed up some blood and collapsed.

"Eh," Zoro said, looking at the fallen pirate, "I'll take it."

_Note: A one-liner joke about the tragic results of confusing sheep and goats and the myth about how goats can eat anything, all wrapped into a ficlet! Also to any ZoroxRobin fans who have been reading this, I know I've stacked three non-romance ficlets in a row, but three ZoRo ficlets are up next._

_Also: the name Fluff was inspired from playing Kirby's Epic Yarn. Great frickin' game. Reviews please!_


	20. Cook

20. Cook

Rating: T

~~~~~~~~~~~000000000~~~~~~~~~~~

Sanji fancied himself the servant of love, the ship's resident cupid. He valued the idea of love beyond something he could have for himself, but rather something that all people should find. It was hard to tell, given the way that he shamelessly flirted with any remotely pretty girl, but to Sanji love was a sacred thing, a gift for everyone. It drove Sanji to annoyance, even to anger, if he saw anyone who was being given the gift of love, but chose to ignore it.

So imagine his irritation that not one, but two such people sailed with him on the _Thousand Sunny_. When Sanji thought about it, he shouldn't have been surprised at either of them. One was stupid, incredibly stupid, and it was doubtful that he would notice love if it jumped naked out of a cake and started making out with him, an inane, clueless, idiot meathead marimo. Yet even Sanji, as much as he disliked that shitty punk, did not want to see him as trapped, as frustrated, as he was now. The other was a woman who had survived hardships that made her nakamas' lives look easy, even if all their tragedies were compounded together. The world had rejected her, demonized her, though Sanji thought it unthinkable that the world should be so heartless to such a pretty face, beautiful eyes, thin nose, full lips, mellorine hair. He knew that she was closing everything out as a survival mechanism, that even though she had made progress on interpersonal relationships since the tragedy at Enies Lobby, she still had that fear, that hesitation, that made love an impossible prospect. As enamored as he was with her beauty, Sanji disdained her for rejecting another's love.

Even though both of them had reasons for their stubbornness on this matter, Sanji couldn't accept them. They were denying love, a high crime, and high crimes deserved grand punishments.

But love was also a fragile thing. If he thought it would work, Sanji would lock the two of them in the freezer, telling them that he would not let them out until they said what he wanted to hear, but likely such blunt tactics would simply drive them further apart.

Sanji likened what he had to do to dealing with candles. If he blew too hard, the flames would go out, but if he blew softly enough, he could ignite a new amore into the world.

If a subtle touch was necessary, then Sanji was ideally positioned to administer it. As the ship's cook, he could apply certain tools to nudge them closer together.

Sanji decided to start by nudging Zoro to notice Robin. Sanji caught Zoro staring at the raven-haired archaeologist all too often. Sanji guessed that Zoro did it only when he thought no-one would notice, his single eye resting on the sultry vixen when he trained and she was absorbed in a book. When Sanji emerged to deliver coffee to his beloved Robin-chwan, he would catch Zoro's gaze on the woman, not on him. That was but one of the signs, one of the reasons Sanji was certain that love was present.

Robin already had Zoro's attention, so Zoro merely needed to pay closer attention to realize that she too was interested in him, as was plainly apparent. Many times on those coffee runs, Sanji saw the figure of a powerful weightlifting swordsman reflected in those cobalt blue eyes. All Sanji needed was something that would make Robin a little more… noticeable.

~0~

"Itadakimasu!" Luffy shouted, beginning another dinner on the Thousand Sunny. Everyone dug in, as Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper had managed to net a large school of salmon that afternoon, enough to keep everyone satisfied. Sanji had surpassed himself, herb-crusting the salmon and serving it up with a rainbow of steamed vegetables, everyone was enjoying themselves thoroughly.

As Zoro ate, his gaze wandered the same path it so often did. A quick glance at Luffy to make sure he looked satisfied (and in no mood to steal from Zoro's plate), then roving around the table, past Sanji flirting with Nami, past Usopp and Franky debating some pointless invention, past Chopper and Brook and their absurd antics, and finally that last glorious passage past their resident archaeologist. His gaze couldn't linger there long, as that insidious woman was too observant, and he would be boiled alive before he let her catch him in the act, to make a mockery of his interest with one of her dismissive smiles.

But when the woman's form filled his eye, he noticed something was amiss. She was chewing more slowly, more thoughtfully, taking more deliberate bites of the salmon. Her cheeks looked just slightly peaked, their smooth light-brown tones tinged with a hint of rosy pink. A halo of sweat sat around her face, making her skin glisten in the dim lighting in the galley. Soon one of those droplets of sweat would flicker, and start to trace its way down, down, towards the low-cut shirt she was wearing.

Then she caught him, those cobalt-blue eyes making contact with his own. That damned smile, the one that haunted his dreams, was not present. And Zoro, man of instinct, knew that this was an opening, a chance. He should seize it, but before that thought even rounded the corner to the part of his brain that might be able to act upon it…

"Oi, Robin, are you okay?" Nami observed. "You look a little hot."

"Robin!" Chopper shouted, leaping onto the table and rushing over to her. "What is it? The flu, the plague? Don't move towards the light! Stay with us! Where's a doctor?"

~0~

_Shitty Nami._ Sanji had never, ever thought he could have possibly thought that thought, but there it was. Observing the subtle difference in Robin's complexion, Nami had ruined his scheme, and brought the whole thing crashing down upon him. Nami's observation, plus the crew's tendency to overreact to things, had ruined that plot. He was certain it would have worked, adding just the right touch of potent spice to Robin's dish to give her discomfort. Not so much that she would react, but that she would become more visible to Zoro. But it was gone, ruined by his beautiful Nami-swan.

He would have to come up with something else to get those two idiots to stop acting stupid and find the love that was right there in front of them. If trying to get Robin to hook Zoro's attention had failed, he would have to try to get Robin to be the first actor. Sanji waited for a day to put his new plan into motion, as intricate as a well-played game of chess.

~0~

"Come on come on come on come on come on come on come on come on!" Luffy shouted repeatedly. "Let's eat!"

"No, Luffy," Sanji grunted, trying to hold his voracious captain back. "We don't eat until everyone's at the table."

"Mmmmruh," Luffy groaned, straining against the combined efforts of Sanji, Usopp, and Heavy Point Chopper to hold him back. "Who's missing?"

"I think Zoro-bro's the only one missing," Franky said.

Luffy promptly started smoking. "Shit, Gear Second," Sanji muttered. "Franky, Brook, hold him back!" Luffy's struggles increased in intensity, determined to get to the food. With five of the straw hats working to restrain their captain, Sanji was forced to ask a Lady for help. "Robin-chwan," he grunted with exertion. "I hate to have to ask you, but could you go retrieve that marimo for me?"

"Certainly, Cook-san," Robin said politely. She then left the galley, going up the stairs and out onto the deck. Robin was glad for this opportunity, relishing any excuse she could find to talk to the swordsman. He wasn't much for conversation, but then again neither was she, a kindred spirit who believed in saying little, but speaking to the point when he did talk. But Robin wanted to talk with him, to talk with him a lot. She suspected, however, that he still harbored a grain of mistrust towards her. He wouldn't believe her if she gave any indication as to how she really felt and worse still, he would probably suspect her of playing at some game or other for her own amusement, which could be disastrous.

She ascended the ladder to the crow's nest and found him, working out like always. Most people would find him boring because he was always working out, but Robin found it admirable. The weight, the reps, and more importantly the overall amount of time he spent on this was virtually inhuman, and showed his pure dedication to surpassing all others. His muscular body wasn't half bad to watch, either, though she generally disdained such purely aesthetic concerns.

"Kenshi-san," she said with a smile, "it's dinner time."

"Feh," Zoro grunted in annoyance, setting the weights down. "Why does he need everyone at the table to eat all of a sudden? Something's off."

"Possibly," Robin said. "Should we investigate?"

Zoro shot her an odd look, and Robin was immediately embarrassed, though she didn't show it. That creeping suspicion of his, always coming back to the surface. She had overextended herself again. "Never mind," she said, and departed along with him. She ate dinner on her own again, no peculiarities to be found in her meal this time. The only peculiarity came from Cook-san, who was giving her an odd look, almost anger, if she weren't certain that Sanji was incapable of being angry at a woman.

~0~

_Shitty Robin._ Again Sanji found himself thinking positively sacrilegious thoughts, but there it was. Either she or the shitty marimo had blown it, again. Again Sanji pondered drastic, violent tactics, ambushing both of them in their sleep, binding them together with a rope, and stringing them up from the mainmast until they confessed to each other. But he was still certain that such tactics would be counterproductive.

If having Zoro start had failed, and having Robin start had failed, then Sanji needed to lure both in simultaneously. For anyone else, it would have been an enormously difficult task, but Sanji was ideally positioned for this sort of thing. The answer could be found in food, he was certain, that there was one specific food or beverage that could be used to unite the twain and solve all problems.

He pondered it for some time, off and on throughout the following day. The problem was immense, given that the two of them had nothing in common, especially in the realm of food. What unified the boorish and the refined? Where did the taste of a man who had an appetite only for booze and a lady who only daintily sampled the finest of things coincide? Sanji spent some time pondering the pantry, and eventually discovered it.

~0~

"I don't care what stupid reason you have," Zoro spat. "Give me sake, now."

"And how slowly do I have to explain it?" Sanji replied. "We. No. Have. Sake."

"Don't talk to me like I'm a child!"

"Look," Sanji said, taking a drag on his cigarette, "if you're that desperate for booze, all we've got left now is wine. If you go to Robin-chwan and ask her nicely, perhaps she'll give you some."

"Ch, that woman?" Zoro grunted in annoyance. Sanji said nothing in reply, but a look of pure fury came into his one visible eye, causing even Zoro to back off.

Lacking any viable alternative, Zoro was indeed forced to go to her for the wine. He feared more of her mind games, but had no real alternative, aside from going without, which was yet more unthinkable.

Robin sat on deck, reading a book that evening by candlelight as she sipped the wine. She would have preferred some tea, but Cook-san had be so insistent on giving her this rare vintage wine, that she couldn't possibly have refused, at least without breaking her mantle of politeness utterly. The scene definitely looked romantic, her drinking wine by candlelight, though Robin never gave much consideration to such things.

At least, not until he showed up. With Roronoa Zoro, the romance of the scene increased considerably. "Oi, Robin," he said slowly. "May I… please… have some wine?"

"Certainly, Zoro," Robin said sweetly.

Zoro. No Kenshi-san, not even Zoro-san, just Zoro. That was definitely new, but this time Zoro went with it. He grabbed the bottle and took a swig right out of it.

"What are you reading?" he asked, in an effort to make polite conversation.

"It's a history of a legendary hero," Robin said. "A man who, through strength, determination, and perseverance, managed to change the course of history."

Instinct nudged Zoro in the right direction, though he knew he had to be subtle. He took another swig of wine, then asked the question. "Do you like men like that?" he said, turning to look at her face, with cobalt-blue eyes filled with the flickering candlelight.

"Yes," she said, returning his glance with an honest, straight-from-the-heart smile. "Men who pursue such dreams with single-minded perseverance. I like those kinds of men."

~0~

When Sanji did his job right, no-one was certain he had done anything at all.

_Note: Damnation is this a long one, and I went right down to the wire on writing it, so sorry if there are any grammatical errors. It was quite interesting writing from Sanji's perspective, and I figured I owed him, given that this whole run of ficlets is partly Zoro-centric, it may portray Sanji in a bad light in other instances, so here he plays the romance-comedy-style hero._

_Reviews please!_


	21. Lies

21. Lies

Rating: T (implied M, non-explicit)

An indirect sequel to Cook, due to popular demand

~~~~~~~~~00000000~~~~~~~~~~~

The lies had been their greatest foe, for a time. He lied to her, she lied to him, and love remained stillborn.

His lies were based on fear, an irrational fear of a childish kind. Much like the schoolboy who lies about why he acts the way he does towards a certain girl, he feared his classmates pointing and laughing at him for feeling stupid feelings. Fear of a certain blonde cook, and what he would say, fear that the girl would profess that she loved some other, or worse, that the girl herself would make fun of him. He had held a very irrational fear of the girl, excuse me, of the woman making fun of him. The woman had a peculiar talent for making the big, strong man feel small with a simple smile and a gentle, mocking laugh.

And so he had lied. _"No, I'm not looking at you. Go away, woman! You're annoying me! I still don't trust you."_ Keeping her at arm's length. Some of the lies he had internalized, making into his own mantra. _"I don't love her. I can't possibly love her. She is a fiend and a tormentor, and if I let her, she will destroy me."_ Down this dark path he walked for some time.

Her lies were also based on fear, though a somewhat more rational one. All her life, one lesson had been ingrained into her the hard way, again and again: you can't trust anyone. Even though she had found nakama who had fought for her, almost died for her, and brought the wrath of the World Government down on themselves for her, the lesson was hard to shake off. Even after she had spent two years training herself for their sakes, the lesson still remained. She trusted them enough to live with and to fight with, trusted them to aid her in pursuit of her dream, but that tiny grain of doubt endured, the one that refused to let her open her heart utterly to that man. Those deepest levels of her heart were still protected by walls of adamant, not wanting to allow anyone to make her completely vulnerable.

And so she had lied. _"I'm just reading, kenshi-san. I wasn't paying attention to you at all. I don't mind that you still don't trust me."_ She continued to obey the lesson, the hardest teacher she had had in her life. She too internalized some of the lies, attempting to warp her own thoughts for her own good. _"I don't love him. I can't possibly love him. He is the last test of my resolve. If I fail, and let him in, I will be destroyed." _She allowed these phantoms to continue to haunt her.

Wine made the lies go away, bringing the two of them together on one romantic night. The lies fell away over a bottle, a book, and a flickering candle, and the two of them found one another. They spent that entire night in discovering one another, for a long time with words, and later with touch, long-repressed feelings and desires expressing themselves volcanically. The veil of lies was gone, and nothing at all separated them.

_But they still had use for lies._

~0~

"Everyone!" Nami called, "it's an island!"

"Ah, I've been hoping for an island!" Brook exclaimed. "Will I finally be able to have my violin re-stringed here?"

"Probably," Nami said, looking intently at the map she had bought at the last island. "For an island this far in the New World, it's pretty civilized." She looked at the map again for a time. "They've got a waterfront marketplace and shipyard, restaurants, hotels, a music shop, libraries, and an arboretum." Ears pricked across the _Thousand Sunny_: there was something for everyone here.

"Libraries!" Chopper shouted, jumping for joy. "Robin, do you wanna join me?"

"Sure, Chopper-san," Robin said with a smile. "That sounds like an enjoyable afternoon."

The Straw Hats all piled out for an afternoon of fun. Usopp was last to go, moving towards the gangplank. He had a mind to go to the arboretum, feeling quite at home exploring exotic plant species at this point, when suddenly Zoro stepped in front of him to get down the gangplank first. "Uhh, Zoro?" Usopp asked questioningly.

"What?" Zoro asked.

"Weren't you going to stay behind like usual?"

"No…" Zoro said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"But you usually like to just take a nap and guard the ship," Usopp said. "And won't you get lost out there?"

Zoro's eye narrowed, presumably in anger at Usopp's gaffe. Usopp knew he had overstepped his boundaries, and immediately retreated. "Uh, of course I'll stay here! Yeah, go out and have some fun, buddy, you've earned it!"

Zoro nodded, and left Usopp behind to guard the ship.

At the main branch of the island's library, Chopper found himself a slice of heaven. "The latest South Blue Journal of Medicine!" he shouted ecstatically. He morphed to Heavy Point and practically tore the paperback journal from the shelf, then shrunk again and started eagerly drinking in the medical findings. Robin saw that he was completely absorbed, but she didn't want to spend the afternoon reading medical journals.

"I'm going to go to the History section, Chopper," she said. "Shall we meet out front in a couple of hours?"

"No, I don't want any candy," Chopper said as he pored over the journal. He clearly wasn't paying any attention at all. Robin took that as a good sign, and departed the library entirely, instead heading over to a nearby hotel. Outside she found that man, standing there impatiently. He must really want this, she thought, if he actually managed to find his way here himself.

"What took you?" he said, casting a roguish glance at her.

"I had to make sure that Chopper-san was well-engaged at the library," she said. "Are you certain about this?"

"Definitely," Zoro said, hooking a hand around her bare waist. "But you're paying for the room."

"And why is that?" Robin said playfully.

"Don't you think Nami would launch a full-scale investigation if I came back with any expenses?" Zoro asked. "At least she trusts you."

"You're right," Robin said, and they headed through the front door of the hotel.

That evening, after dinner, the others had mostly returned, Luffy with the telltale bloated stomach of an afternoon well spent. "Ahh, what a great day!" Nami said expressively, bearing a number of loaded shopping bags with her.

"Speak for yourself," Usopp said.

"What went wrong?" Nami asked, "didn't you go to the arboretum?"

"No," Usopp said pointedly. "Zoro left instead and made me stay here."

"Zoro?" Nami asked, "Where did he go?"

"Probably got lost," Sanji muttered.

"Hopefully not," Nami said. "The log's set, we can leave whenever everyone gets back, but I'd hate to have to go looking for him again."

"Robin and Chopper are still out there," Franky said, "hopefully they'll run into him as they come back."

"And speak of the marimo," Sanji said. They turned, to see Zoro stomping up the gangplank, followed soon after by Robin.

"And where were you?" Nami barked.

"Nowhere," Zoro said evasively.

"Where were you?" Nami insisted.

"I got lost! All right?" Zoro said, frustrated.

"And did you save him from his wanderings, Robin-chwan?" Sanji swooned.

"Yes," she said, "I found him wandering as I returned from the library."

Zoro retreated to his normal haunt in the crow's nest, and Robin went off to the girls' room. "Did you catch that?" Nami asked, perplexed.

"Yeah," Usopp said, "he admitted he got lost."

Sanji put two and two together in his head, combining Robin leading Zoro back with Zoro admitting he had gotten lost, then recollecting a successful scheme of his involving a bottle of wine, and remained silent. Usopp, Nami, and Franky looked at him inquisitively, wondering what was going on behind those curly eyebrows. The silence was then broken by Chopper, returning at that moment, laughing merrily.

"You guys aren't going to believe this," he laughed. "Zoro got lost inside a hotel!"

_Yes, they still had use for lies. _

"A hotel?" Franky asked.

_Lies kept their love a secret._

"Yeah," Chopper laughed. "I saw Robin leading him out of a hotel, can you believe it?

Nami's eyebrows arched as the realization hit her.

Franky asked a follow up question. "Chopper, did Robin and Zoro look… er… satisfied?"

"Very satisfied," Chopper said. "Why do you ask?"

"Holy shit," Sanji said.

_For now._

_Note: Implications, implications. I had two different ideas for this chapter, a story about how lies kept them apart, and one about them lying to their nakama to hide their relationship, couldn't decide between them, and fused them together. The next one might tread more deeply into M territory, though that's somewhat uncharted on my part, unless there is significant opposition to that?_


	22. Pet

22. Pet

Rating: M (though not graphically so)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~000000000~~~~~~~~~~

Roronoa Zoro and Nico Robin.

According to their nakama, they were perhaps the strongest-willed people they had ever met. Certainly they were both very stern, generally silent, and often cruel in their dealings with others, even though they were known to have good hearts. When they became a couple, therefore, it aroused a good deal of curiosity from the crew. It was often hard to tell they were a couple at all, given that they interacted almost identically to how they had interacted previously. It was hard for their nakama to conceive of them acting like a couple, to see overt displays of affection, even something as simple as handholding. Indeed, there was speculation among some of them (especially Sanji), that the whole thing was a put-on by Zoro and Robin, some sort of elaborate hoax on their nakama. That could very well have been the case, except that that too would have been rather out of character for the two of them. So they were left with their curiosity.

Zoro and Robin shared one other factor that kept their relationship obscured from their nakama: they were rather private, and so they continued to act much as they always had in public, but in private, well….

In private their personas had morphed completely, at least when they were together. Love, especially when it had a compellingly physical component, could do strange things to people, and even the two ferocious, solitary, quiet, and cruel pirates were no exception, though their romantic personas were actually somewhat recognizable, even though their romantic needs were rather different. In private, they were like animals, though they were like tame animals, coming to the call of the one whom they knew provided them their pleasure. In private, they were like pets.

Before sex, Zoro was the pet and Robin was the mistress. As with her outside self, Robin played the role of the seductress. Cunning and crafty, she used fair means or foul to bring him down. Fair means included lingerie of varying kinds, which Zoro apparently had a weakness for. Tiny, frilly, and often transparent, her lingerie alone was often enough to collapse his resistance. If Zoro was being rebellious or difficult, she could put her many hands to work, her often-deadly appendages serving a more tender role, finding their way under his clothing, bringing his lust to the fore forcibly. Zoro, the proud and powerful man was reduced by his desire to begging like a dog.

Once Zoro was in such a lowly state, she would indulge his lust, and thus she herself would be guaranteed satisfaction. Sex had previously been a repulsive thing to Robin, the lowest expression of human interaction, the last resort of perverts and scum. With Zoro, Robin found something entirely new, a mix of intimacy and pleasure that she found herself living for.

After sex, Robin was the pet and Zoro the master. She desired more than just the sex: she desired him, and the sex was merely a part of that. After reaching their tumultuous, earth-shattering climax, they would lie in the bed, on the floor, in the hammock, on the galley table, wherever they had engaged, they would lie there together, and Robin enjoyed that time almost equally to the act itself. She would lie there in his arms, hearing him, feeling him, smelling him. His satisfied breathing, his hot breath on the back of her neck, this was that core intimacy that she craved more than anything, a time of quiet ecstasy, of comfort and bliss. Robin lay in his arms like a contented house cat, until she awoke. Then she would be a cat in heat.

In their intimacy, they were totally different. She was his pet, and he was hers.

_Note: I think I straddled the border of explicitness rather well. I don't wish to alienate anyone and I'm sorry if this one got too risqué for you. This will be the last M-rated one, though, because I've gotten plots worked out for all but #25, and 25 is a Robin-only one. I'm almost there, aren't I?_


	23. Vegetables

23. Vegetables

Rating: T

~~~~~~~~~~~~~00000000~~~~~~~~~~~

"Eat your vegetables."  
"No."

_A common exchange between parents and children all over the world, to be sure, but the outcome in this case was less than common._

Aside from being the cook, Sanji's role on the _Thousand Sunny_ included being the dietician. He didn't merely make the food, but decided the menu. After learning the super dishes from Kamabakke Kingdom, his dietary effectiveness had improved vastly, but that did not mean that he could afford to lose sight of the fundamentals: real meat, real fish, real fruit and vegetables, the sort of foods he had to cook before he learned the hidden recipes, as their essential nutrients were, well, essential, and he needed to make sure that everyone got their necessary allotment.

It was a difficult thing to make sure children got all their nutrition, and when you served with a crew that, mighty as they were, were composed mostly of man-children, nutrition became a chore indeed. Some of them were easy: Brook's nutritional needs were limited strictly to calcium-rich milk, and as long as they had that the rest would sort itself out. Nutrition was non-essential for Franky, although he could eat, keeping his body running smoothly was a mechanical matter, not a nutritional one. Nami and Robin, bless their souls, were quite mature for their ages, and it was no big deal to try and get them to get their nutrition, but the others…

The others actually weren't that hard, mostly, though it took tremendous effort to make sure they ate right. In Luffy's case, it was merely a matter of placing the right food in front of him. He would eat it, whatever it was, but as long as his only options were healthy ones, he would eat them first before shoveling in the garbage. With Chopper and Usopp, it came down to just the right twist of coercion.

That left only Zoro, and there Sanji was frustrated utterly. Zoro seemed to defy the conventional wisdom of health in any case, as a man who consumed alcohol in those quantities should probably have had his liver shut down by now, but he seemed to be in the peak of health. Nonetheless, Sanji would not give Zoro special treatment. For all intents and appearances, Zoro had a normal digestive system, and was going to abide by the nutritional guidelines Sanji set forth. As part of his eternal rivalry with the swordsman, Sanji also relished any opportunity to really stick it to him.

But Zoro was nothing if not strong-willed, and his eternal rivalry with the cook hurt Sanji's cause, as anything Sanji especially wanted Zoro to do would become something Zoro was reluctant to do. Coercion would be needed, but to coerce someone as powerful as Zoro, special measures would need to be taken.

~0~

Zoro was making his way back to the ship, privately he was rather pleased with himself, he had found his way back in minimal time, though it was already twilight, with the sun having sunk under the horizon. Stray leaves from the nearby trees rustled underfoot, and a chill wind blew off the sea on the autumn island, but Zoro noticed none of it, focusing on his location only when he arrived at the ship.

Or thought he had. When he got to the dock where the Thousand Sunny was supposed to sit at anchor, he instead found a thick grove of vegetation.

"Oh come on," he exclaimed aloud. "I was sure I had it!" He tried to peer around the tall stalks to see if he was at least close, but the grove covered the edge of the docks for some distance. How had he not noticed this? He turned around, stopping short when he almost ran into something on the ground. Small, green, and closely organized, he saw a number of small asparagus stalks on the ground.

"Oh," he said, a realization starting to grow in his mind. "If this is about me eating my vegetables, it's not going to happen!" he shouted, hoping that stupid ero-cook could hear. There was no response. Maybe he really was at the wrong spot, he thought, then turned to go down the street.

Vegetation now blocked the way he had come. He turned anew, and found vegetation blocking the other way. Finally he heard a rumbling, and plants sprouted up on the other side as well. Whatever it was, it was deliberately boxing him in.

There was a rustling, then something darted towards him. Faster than thinking, and certainly faster than the eye could track, Zoro's sword was unsheathed and made a quick, decisive cut, and a green-brown tendril of plant matter fell to the ground, severed. The plants were trying to attack him.

"This isn't funny!" he shouted. "And you can't intimidate me!"

_Eat your vegetables_ Came a sound from a source Zoro could not determine.

"Damnit, Sanji! This isn't going to work!"

The tendrils came at him again, a great many of them. Zoro's swords worked twenty to the dozen, slashing off root-tips, until they finally abated.

_Come on, eat them. They're yummy!_

"That's enough of this," Zoro proclaimed angrily. He turned towards one of the walls of vegetation blocking his way. "One hundred eight pound cannon!" and blew the whole wall of growth away. He smirked confidently, but the smirk died on his face when the ground shook again, and the stalks arose anew.

_Eat your vegetables,_ the sound repeated.

"Quit screwing around!" Zoro roared.

_You will eat them,_ the sound repeated, sounding sterner.

"Like you can make me!" Zoro roared. "You'll get tired of regrowing before I get tired of cutting you down!"

You will be unable to cut.

"What?"

Then the stalks descended upon him all at once. He tore at them frantically, but there were simply more than three swords could deal with, even working at his speed. Soon Zoro found himself utterly overwhelmed, the tendrils wrapped firmly around his body and surrounding him utterly. He was buried completely, unable to move, aside from his face which was still exposed.

"What the?" he shouted in surprise. "Let me go!"

_No._ Then one tendril descended near his face. The tendril curled at the tip, holding a stalk of asparagus there. _Eat your vegetables._

Seeing no choice, Zoro slowly opened his mouth. The hateful vegetable was thrust in, but Zoro stomached it quickly.

_There, wasn't that yummy? Eat them all._

Then all the tendrils retreated, and he saw the ship before him. He turned to move towards the gangplank, ignoring the remaining asparagus.

A tendril shot out of the ground and seized his ankle, stopping him short. _Eat them all,_ the sound insisted.

Zoro frowned, but grabbed up the asparagus stalks, eating them all quickly and angrily, then stomped up the gangplank, defeated. He found Robin up on the deck, reading by candlelight.

"Is that ero-cook around?"

"I don't think so, kenshi-san," she replied.

"Good," Zoro returned. "'Cuz he's in for the ass-kicking of a century."

Across the pier from the Sunny, Sanji stepped out from an alley. "Finally," he said, satisfied. "Great work, Usopp."

"No problem," Usopp said, stepping out as well. "I needed a good test for my strain of talking plants."

Sanji cracked his knuckles, still reveling in his satisfaction. Nobody defied his dietary recommendations. Nobody.

_Note: A little something in the Halloween spirit, and the seventh (and last) of the Zoro-only fics (being this, Guard, Kingdom, Warrior, Slingshot, Salvage, and Sheep). Robin still has three to go, two of which are up next._


	24. Hundred

24. Hundred

Rating: K+

~~~~~~~~~~00000000000~~~~~~~~~~

The news gull always brought some new turn of events to the _Thousand Sunny._ Whether the news was good, bad, or downright strange, the tidings of the news gull were always a game-changer.

What did the news gull have today?

"Crap, crap, crap," Nami muttered, leafing through the newspaper. "This stupid paper never has anything interesting. Why do I still bother to pay for th…" She had her answer. For there on the last page was a full-page ad, one of particular interest for the greedy navigator.

"Everyone, come quick!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.

"Yesss, Nami-swan!"

"What's wrong?"

"Are we under attack?"

"We're under attack! Everyone to attack stations!"

"We're not under attack," Nami replied irately, smacking Usopp in the head soundly. She held up the newspaper for the others to examine. "Look."

Usopp recovered enough from the sudden head trauma to read it aloud. "The Kuridake Island Society of Fine Arts duly bids one and all to compete in their annual concert music festival. Classical musicians only, and…"

"Read the bottom!" Nami barked, a hint of venom in her voice.

"… a grand prize of 9 million beli!"

"Cooooool!" Luffy said, "that's a million for each… of… us…" he trailed off, withering under a downright violent leer from Nami. She leveled that stare at all her nakama, a leer that told them how it was going to be quite clearly.

1( they were going to compete in the competition

2( they were going to win

3( she would get all the winnings.

That they understood how it was going to be without her having to say it was a testament to how close they had grown as nakama. Nami stepped up to Brook in particular.

"I'm counting on you here, Brook. This is your game," she said, patting the skeleton-man on the shoulder. "But this competition is in three days!"

"Yes, Nami-san!" Brook said, saluting smartly. "I would be honored to undertake such a task, but, if I may…"

Nami's death glare came back into her eyes, and Brook knew how it was going to be.

1( You do not ask if you may see my panties

2( You DO NOT ASK if you may see my panties

3( If you do, I will kill you. Even if you are already dead.

"Right," Brook said, swallowing nervously (if he had the musculature to swallow, yohoho), "You can count on me!"

So the Straw Hats' musical training began in earnest. Brook composed a moving classical sonata that sounded good on paper, originally built as a nine-piece harmony, but Brook should have known better, shouldn't he?

"Luffy-san, please get that flute out of your nose."  
"But listen to what I can do with it! Gum Gum Sneeze!"

"There is no guitar part in this song, Franky-san."

"But that's all I know how to play! North wind chop!"

"Zoro-san, please practice your gong."

"No."

"Usopp-san, why are you lying around like that?"

"I threw my back out trying to lift this giant tuba! How could you expect anyone to lift that?"

"Ahh! Nami-san, Sanji-san, what have you done?"

Sanji had been assigned to drums, and Nami to trumpet, but the trumpet had been jammed through the drum skin, ruining both. "He made a lewd comment. You got anything to ask me for?" Nami said with a rather vicious look in her eye.

"Nothing at all! Please go about your business!"

"Ugh, I can't memorize this at all! How did you ever learn it!"

"That's a simple scale, Chopper-san. You've memorized medical texts of far greater complexity."

"I just can't get it!"

They were ruined, and they were well aware of it, or they would have been ruined, but for Nico Robin. She seemed to take to the Cello part like a fish to water, making a sonorously deep bass sound as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

"You're performing admirably, Robin-san!"

"Thank you, Brook-san."

"But you alone will not be enough for us to triumph. Two people is not sufficient for us to be victorious!"

"Perhaps," Robin replied, a knowing smile on her face. "But could the piece be performed by more than nine people?"

"Certainly, but where could we find the extra people?"

"I'll deal with that," Robin replied.

The day of the concert came, with the Straw Hats filing in with all the others to the crowded amphitheatre. "Why do we have to go to this?" Nami complained. "There's no chance we're gonna win now…"

"Brook said he still intended to compete," Usopp replied. "I don't know what he's planning, but we might still have a shot.

"And now, for our next act, we present the Orchestra of…. Woman and skeleton. Ooookay. Woman and skeleton."

The crowd buzzed in wonderment, as a microphone was set in the center of the stage, followed by a veritable horde of stage-hands dragging cello after cello on stage. At the end of it all, around a hundred were assembled. Brook then emerged, violin in hand, as did Robin, bearing one last Cello.

"Doscien Fluer! Bailar!"

Needless to say, they were utterly victorious, Robin's expert performance of one-hundred cellos simultaneously saving the day.

Afterwards, they met Brook and Robin backstage. "You won! I can't believe it!" Nami shouted with joy.

"Yes," Robin said. "Though with a hundred performers, I think we're each entitled to one percent of the reward."

Robin smiled as Nami's face fell.

_Note: Tossing a little Brook love in here, since he hasn't served much of a role in any of these._


	25. Explosive

25. Explosive

Rating: T

~~~~~~~~~000000000~~~~~~~~

Another nightmare haunted Nico Robin's sleep. Robin was no stranger to nightmares, part of the reason why she rarely slept, but since meeting the Straw Hats, she had been able to overcome them, for the most part. Through the all-healing power of nakamaship, she had crushed the bad dreams one by one, except for one.

~0~

She stands at the front gates of a familiar city, paralyzed as she watches the people dash past her, fleeing the chaos in the city. Soldiers, citizens, people of all stripes fled with equal looks of terror on their faces. She looks up and sees the castle dominating the center of the city, two figures standing on the summit. One figure falls, thrust out into the abyss by the other.

"The king! The king's been killed!" yells one old man, turning to see.

"Father!" comes a high-pitched female scream from afar.

"She's killed him! Damn her!" yells one young mother, bearing a baby with her.

"You have to run too!" the soldier says, thrusting the mother along. "She'll kill us all next!"

"You too!" the soldier yells at Robin now. "We have to… too late!"

Robin looks up and sees a huge explosion light up the entire city of Alubarna. Looking up, she sees the other figure on the top of the castle; a woman with raven-black hair, a cowboy hat, a revealing black corset, and hip-hugging pants. The woman laughs, a perverse, maniacal laugh with a hateful grin on her face as she watches the city go up in smoke. The explosion overtakes Robin, and everything fades, except for her, and the other her, the heartless, mass-murdering Nico Robin.

As if to drive the point home, a new environment appears around the two of them. Good Robin is a child again, the helpless 8 year old on Ohara, while Evil Robin dons an overlarge Marine jacket. Evil Robin is on a massive Marine warship, one of the Buster Call fleet. With a gesture, she begins the bombardment of the island, smiling again as she watches the cannon shots light the Tree of Knowledge on fire, watching her childhood burn.

~0~

The revolutionaries had come to a new city, with a new mission: destroy the colony of World Government personnel that had been planted in the city to help try and bring that kingdom into line. The Government had just worked to install a new monarch, one more favorable to World Government policy in that region, but to help guarantee that said monarch remained in place, a significant occupation force was needed.

The occupation force had cowed the spirits of the people enough that they would not support the insurgency, backed by Dragon's Revolutionaries, and it was their job to move in and fix it. Robin was with them, of course, learning much in the tutelage of the most elusive and sophisticated foes of the World Government. Despite their nobility of purpose, the Revolutionaries, driven by their need, often resorted to strange and grandiose tactics. Robin had profited greatly from their flamboyant tactics in the past, when they had been bold enough to assault Tequila Wolf, just in time to rescue her from the freezing prison tower, but now Robin saw the darker side of their ends-justify-the-means mentality.

"We're here," her fellow Revolutionary said. Aside from him being male and of average build, Robin knew nothing about her companion, adorned in a cloak much as she now was. They were crouched in the darkness of a sewer. The Revolutionary bore a lantern so they could see.

"This is a pleasant rendezvous point," Robin said cheerfully, veiling her sarcasm well. "But it appears our companion is tardy."

"Ahh, speak of the devil," her companion said, motioning with his lantern up the sewer, hearing squeaky wheels approaching. A large shadowy figure could be seen pushing a larger shadowy object, one that filled almost all the sewage-way. The mover was coming from the opposite direction from which Robin and her companion had arrived. Both man and object came into the light: the man was still indistinguishable, wearing a large cloak like Robin and the other Revolutionary, and he was pushing something in a crate on a wheeled cart.

"You're late," the first Revolutionary said to the second.

"Sorry," the other apologized. "But this should make it up to you," he said, removing the top of the crate. Inside was a large, circular device, wires running to and from various places all over its surface.

"Looks impressive," the first revolutionary said. "Is that…?"

"Yeah," the second replied. "The yield on this thing is amazing. Nothing will be left of this place real quick."

"So that's why she was supposed to come," the first said, indicating Robin. "A human remote detonator."

"Right," the second said, "do you know how to work this thing Robin?"

Robin was silent, though what was visible of her face looked moist in the light.

"Robin? What's wrong? You gonna do it or not?"

"No," Robin said.

"You have to do it! How the hell else are we supposed to blow this thing?"

"No bombs," Robin said firmly.

"Are you chickening out?" the larger revolutionary said, stepping towards Robin angrily. "You of all people should know what we're trying to do!"

"No bombs," Robin repeated.

"You traitor!" the larger revolutionary growled, shoving her against the wall roughly. Robin countered with a barrage of arms, pinning the much larger man to the other wall.

"I've worked with bombs like this before," she said, choking back tears, though a lethal edge was in her voice as well. "I've suffered at the hands of explosives like this. _I_ will not do this. _We_ will not do this," she tightened her grip on the larger man, shooting a powerful glare at her other companion. "We will find another way."

"R… right…" the others said sheepishly.

"Bring it back with you," Robin said. "We _will_ find another way."

Robin knew that one day she would return to Alubarna and beg their forgiveness, but for now, she would not use such weapons of destruction. She was deadly enough on her own.


	26. Spine

26. Spine

Rating: T

~~~~~~~~~~00000000~~~~~~~~~~

Nami woke up in considerable pain one morning, the cause of which was no mystery.

~0~

"Ooooo!" Luffy marveled, "what is that?"

"Yeah," Nami said, a note of lust in her voice, "what is that?"

"It looks like a rendering of the Shandian God Kokopitaqetl," their new nakama said. "Note the intricacy of the diadem wrought around his forehead. We should see more of these as we get closer to the ancient location of Shandra at Jaya."

"Looks impressive," Zoro said with the tone of a man who would clearly rather be somewhere else at this point in time.

It was quite apparent that Nami wasn't noting the intricacy of anything, rather preoccupied with the fact that this life-sized construction of an ancient god was made of solid gold. Robin chuckled lightly and moved on.

"Luffy," Nami said, her voice still thick with gold-lust, "take this thing back to the ship."

There was no response.

"Luffy?" she asked, turning around. She heard laughter in another part of the tomb that they were currently wandering in.

"Come here, squirrel!" Luffy said, "become my nakama!"

"Damnit," Nami swore. She tried again. "Zoro, take this back to the ship."

Zoro cringed. "Oi, Robin!" he said hastily, "can you explain what this is?" then ran off in pursuit of the archaeologist.

Nami frowned. She had to have this thing, but a life-sized solid gold statue was very heavy. Seeing no alternative, she gritted her teeth, grabbed the statue around the middle, and started pulling.

~0~

Thus Nami woke up in considerable pain the following morning. "Ugh," she moaned, opening her eyes. "What the hell happened to me?" she said to no-one in particular.

"I believe it had something to do with your acquisition yesterday," Robin replied, sitting at the desk in the girls' room on the _Going Merry_ as she often did.

"Yih!" Nami yelped. She tried to sit up in her shock, but… "owwww!" she collapsed back into the bed. "My back!"

"You seem to have had trouble moving all night," Robin observed.

Nami shivered. Having a roommate who virtually never slept was rather creepy: who knew what the mysterious raven-haired woman was doing all night while Nami slept? But in this case the quiet archaeologist's insomnia proved useful. "What do you think happened?" Nami asked.

"You probably damaged your back in returning the statue of Kokopitaqetl," Robin said matter-of-factly.

"I don't think I can stand," Nami said, trying to maneuver herself out of bed.

"Right," Robin said, standing and quickly leaving the room, a look of genuine concern on her face, making Nami feel guilty for her earlier judgment of the woman.

"Owwww!" Nami yowled again.

"Sorry Nami," Chopper said as his cloven paws traced the contours of her bare back. Nami had managed to flip herself over, but that was about the extent of her maneuverability. The other Straw Hats had assembled in the girls' room on the news that Nami was unable to move, everyone except Sanji, at any rate, who had been forcibly ejected from the room upon getting an uncontrollable nosebleed when he saw Nami's back exposed.

"Is she going to be all right?" Luffy asked seriously.

"I'm not sure," Chopper replied. "There's some serious spinal damage here. I don't know who let you take that statue on your own."

Zoro looked nervous suddenly, hoping that no-one noticed.

"But can you fix her?" Usopp asked.

"I'm not sure," Chopper repeated. "I haven't done a lot of studying of the human back. I'm much more interested in the front," he said.

"So I won't be able to move?" Nami asked, a note of panic in her voice.

"Not for now," Chopper said, "but if I start studying, I could get up to speed on chiropractic care in about…"  
"I can do it," Robin interrupted. Everyone stared at her.

"You can?" Chopper asked.

"Sure," their mysterious new nakama smiled.

If there was one body part with which Robin could be certified as an expert, it was the spine. If she had 100 Beli for every spine she had broken, she would be a rich woman indeed. Now, perhaps, she could use that expertise for good.

"I'll need some privacy for this," Robin said. The others agreed, though the swordsman shot her a suspicious look. Nami grew incredibly nervous, fearing the older woman's intentions.

"Hold still please," Robin said with a chuckle, as if Nami could do anything else. "Quatro Fluer," she whispered. Four arms sprouted around Nami's prone form, descending on her body. Nami cringed as the arms made contact, clinging to her flesh forcibly.

Robin found herself in good old form, a human spine in her arms to mold as she would. With just the right touch, she could end this girl's life, but not this time. She could feel the irregularities in the navigator's spine quite apparently, then pushed them inward.

"Ugh," Nami grunted, then relaxed. A soothing sensation radiated outward from her spine. She sat up.

"Robin," she said.

"Yes, Navigator-san?"

"You should do this more often."

"Oh, why?"

Nami turned to look at her, a deadly serious expression on her face.

"Do you realize how much money you can make as a chiropractor?"

_Note: Originally this was number 29, but it was bumped up here because every other prompt was a Zoro x Robin, and the prompts originally designated numbers 27, 28, and 30 are all in the same timeline, so it felt weird having this as the odd one out, so I changed it. This is the last pure Robin one (the others being Betrayal, Casino, Pie, Laugh, Hundred, and Explosive). Also, two obscure Simpsons references are in here. Can you spot them?_


	27. Art

27. Art

Rating: T

~~~~~~~~~~~00000000~~~~~~~~~

She had no idea why she was doing this. She certainly didn't want to be here, merely being here because she could not conceive of somewhere better for her to be that was at the same time socially acceptable. It was yet harder for to conceive of why she was here with him.

Okay, so she sort of understood why she was here with him.

~0~

"Come on," Nami cajoled, looking at her friend from across the restaurant table. "You need to get out more! You can't spend every weekend just curled up with a good book, you have to live a little."

Robin chuckled, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose. "You always say that, Nami-san, but it's just not me."

Nami snorted derisively. "Not you? Look at you!" her finger pointed especially towards Robin's low-cut shirt revealing firm cleavage. "If you wore the sort of stuff you wear to work out to a club, men would be all over you."

"That's exactly the problem," Robin said. Nami knew what she meant. Not that Robin had particular problems with men altogether, but not the kind of men that were just looking for a hot piece of ass at a club. She should expect that sort of thing, she knew, given that she was attractive by any standard and definitely dressed more on the "hot piece of ass" side of things, though she was positive that her look was not "slutty." No, her problem was more a matter of effort, time investment, and finding something that a young, 30-year-old professional was expected to do that didn't involve having her eardrums blasted out by club music.

Nami pondered this difficulty for a moment, then inspiration struck her. "Ah! I've got the perfect guy for you."

"Really?" Robin said questioningly.

"Yeah!" Nami replied eagerly. "You just have to promise to take him out somewhere at least halfway normal. That means no libraries."

"But you know how I feel about clubbing," Robin said. "Might I compromise? How about a museum?"

Nami shook her head firmly.

"An Art Museum?"

"I guess…" Nami said. "An Art Museum is classy and sophisticated without screaming "I'm a dork" and scaring him off, not that this guy would really mind…"

~0~

So Robin found herself somewhere on a Friday night where she'd never thought she'd find herself, with a man she never thought she'd do anything with. Robin had naturally been suspicious of Nami when she had proposed setting her up with someone, especially given that Nami herself didn't have too many close guy friends outside of the men they worked with at their Real Estate Development firm. Robin found the CEO adorable, but in the way that she might find a performing monkey adorable, and the others were worse. The realtor was a foul-mouthed, chain-smoking womanizer, the architects and engineers were either too juvenile or just downright strange, and the actuary was an old man with one foot in the grave, the office joke being that he had died once already, but never figured it out and just kept on working.

Nami had set her up with one of her male coworkers that Robin had rarely interacted with: Roronoa Zoro, the construction manager. She currently found herself in the City Art Museum with that strange man, the woman dressed in a smart-yet-sexy suit that, of course, showed cleavage, with a short skirt showing a fair bit of leg. The man was stuffed in a button-down shirt, looking incredibly awkward as if he hadn't had to dress even that formally in a very long time. Nami had assured her that this man was perfect for her: strong and silent, not the kind of man who would crudely push for physical interaction.

Silent was definitely the right word to describe Zoro. The man had accepted her offer of a date as if he were telling her the time of day, and she wasn't entirely certain he had said more than five words to her since they had met at the art museum. At least he wasn't half-bad to look at: she imagined a chiseled muscular body under that button-down shirt, though she usually didn't concern herself with such things.

The choice of venue was making the date a disaster so far, however. Robin had never been much for art museums, especially modern art museums, but going somewhere at least remotely trendy had been part of her bargain with Nami to get Nami to set her up with Zoro. But if Robin had known that the exhibition at the City Art Museum would be this horrendous, she never would have agreed to this.

The exhibition at the museum for the evening was called "The Triumph of Minimalist Expression: The Meaning of Life Conveyed Through Simple Polygonal Forms." It was primarily a sculpture exhibition, where abstract sculptures were built with triangular, square, cube, and pyramidal blocks, painted with various patterns and colors. It was something any child could have done quite literally, but the professional artists, being professional artists, touted it as the bleeding edge of artistic expression.

Robin was bored to tears as they went around from one sculpture to the next, listening to the different artists blather on endlessly about what made their block sculptures better than the other block sculptures, or better than something a child could have thrown together. She couldn't imagine the torment she was putting poor Zoro through: he must be bored out of his mind, though the man was as good as she was at keeping a poker face, he was quite expressionless as this particular artist continued to drone on and on about how polygons were a truly fulfilling medium to work with.

But then the artist began soliciting the various onlookers for their opinions. _Oh no,_ she thought. She hated this, every little bit of it, and would hate it even more when, as a polite woman, she would have to spout some meaningless tripe about how good she thought the sculpture was. _But,_ she thought, _what will Zoro say?_ That question intrigued her. His silence, while initially refreshing, had grown rather dull. What would he say when the artist solicited his opinion? She saw it as this man's chance to prove his mettle.

The artist was asking questions from left to right, though Robin stood on Zoro's left, she moved nonchalantly over to his right. The man quickly shot her a questioning look, but then the artist's attentions fell on him.

"And you sir? Do you agree that the use of pyramids around the base of the sculpture help to capture the adversity that the working man faces in our society?" the artist asked.

"No," Zoro replied pointedly.

"Oh," said the artist, somewhat crestfallen that someone had a different interpretation of his work than himself. "Then what do you think of this sculpture?"

Robin knew this was the critical moment. What would his reply be?

"It's stupid," Zoro said. The artist gasped, as did some of the others in the group.

"Stupid?" the artist replied incredulously.

"Yeah," Zoro said. "This whole exhibit is stupid."

"Ha!" Robin laughed, a real laugh from her heart. "Hahaha!" She then embraced Zoro and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. That finally made Zoro pay attention to his date at least. "Just what I was thinking," she said. "This whole exhibit is pretentious. Let's go somewhere else."

"Wanna go to a bar?" Zoro asked.

"You mean… a club?" Robin returned, disappointment rising in her.

Zoro snorted. "No. A bar. Somewhere nice and quiet where we can get a drink. I'm thirsty."

"Definitely," Robin replied, taking him by the hand. "Do you know anywhere?"

"Sure. Neat little place not far from here," he said.

They left the art gallery, leaving the artist and the other patrons flabbergasted at this strange, rude couple. But they were indeed a couple now, and that would not have been the case if they had not gone to the art gallery.

_Note: This is the second (and last) AU ficlet in this set, though I think it went rather well. The final three are in the same timeline as Ark, Clouds, and Ugly Shirt. Reviews are always welcome!_


	28. Sakura

28. Sakura

Rating: T

Note: This takes place about two months after Ugly Shirt. If you haven't, please read #15 Ark, #8 Clouds, and #12 Ugly Shirt in that order, as all those ficlets take place in that chronological order in the same timeline. If you didn't figure out what Robin was asking about in Ugly Shirt, you're about to :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~00000000000~~~~~~~

"You know I would never, _ever_ ask for something like this from you if it didn't mean the world to me," Zoro said. "But I just can't afford this without your help."

Nami looked at him, her face unusually contemplative. Normally Zoro coming to her asking for money was an opportunity for her to really stick it to the swordsman, putting him further under her control, but in this case…

"I guess I could call this one a gift," she sighed. She hated to do it, but this was the sort of once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that even she wasn't greedy enough to exploit. "On one condition," she added.

Zoro's eye narrowed in suspicion.

"You let me help you buy it."

Zoro's eye narrowed still further.

"If my money is going to pay for it, I'm gonna make sure that it's a good one, and that you don't buy something stupid."

"And why would I buy anything stupid?" Zoro replied combatively.

Nami snorted. "Look at you! You might be the champion swordsman of the planet, but that doesn't mean you have a better sense of style than when I met you. Like I said, I help, or no deal."

"Fine," Zoro relented.

"So when are you gonna do it?" Nami asked, changing the subject somewhat.

"The next island was the perfect place I had in mind," Zoro said. "I should be able to buy it there and do it there, and then, well…"

"Then it'll be easy," Nami said. "Once you've done it, anyway."

~0~

Nico Robin was very much pregnant. By her estimation, it was about the tenth week, and the first trimester difficulties were hitting her pretty hard. Every morning she awoke nauseated, having vomited all over Zoro on more than one occasion, prompting him to leave their bed earlier in the mornings now.

The food cravings hit her all the harder, and now she rivaled Luffy himself at meals. Okay, that was impossible, but she was definitely eating at a rate she previously would have found unthinkable, and Luffy profited vastly from her sudden, voracious appetites anyway, as it meant that Sanji often had to prepare more meals, and make more per meal as well. Despite her vastly increased appetite and being almost out of the first trimester, she hadn't bloated that much, though she was certain (as Zoro had realized suspiciously quickly) that her breasts had swollen, her stomach was still mostly the same.

Aside from when she had vomited all over him, Zoro had been more than supportive of her throughout this entire process. If anything he had become more devoted to her, making her previous fears about revealing the pregnancy seem foolish, but now she was confronted with a new difficulty:

Zoro was trying to propose to her. She was almost certain, as her lover had absolutely no knack for subtlety, so when he was trying to hide something from her, that made it all the more obvious. He wasn't talking to her as much as normal (which was still relatively low anyway), and he was definitely doing _something_, so it was natural for her to conclude that he was trying to propose, right? A part of her held the fear that the pregnancy was pressuring him to propose before he was ready, but she had learned by now that Zoro was a man who let nothing pressure him: the strongest swordsman in the world did only what he wanted, when he wanted.

Currently they were on the _Thousand Sunny_, sailing on a different route through the Grand Line than they had initially taken, bound for an island Luffy had promised to visit. Despite the fact that he had become Pirate King seven months ago, and that they were now the most-wanted pirates in all the world, their journey had been rather leisurely so far. The kind of comparatively low-rank pirates and Marines that worked on this end of the Grand Line were generally too scared of the rumor of the Straw Hats to try and tangle with them. They were currently docking at a summer island, a pleasant place known mostly for its large, well-tended parks. Robin was sitting on deck and reading, looking perfectly normal as she was currently experiencing neither irrational cravings nor nausea. Nami had gone out shopping, taking Zoro with her, supposedly to be her pack mule, though Robin didn't believe that for a second, not in this environment.

Indeed, she saw them return, with Zoro bearing only one small bag. A pitiful haul by Nami shopping spree standards, meaning that Robin was secure in her suspicions. "Hey, Zoro," she said, giving him a wave and a loving smile.

"Yo Robin," he replied, stalking after Nami as she proceeded into the ship's interior. Robin smiled knowingly, continuing to read as she waited for him to return. Again true to her suspicions, he did return a few minutes later, and she noted that he had changed clothes, moving from his normal white shirt-green haramaki-green pants routine to a white undershirt with a blue vest and tan cargo pants. She noted that both vest and pants had many pockets. She smiled up at him again as he approached.

"Hey," he said with a peculiar look on his face. "This island's got some beautiful parks." He began to cringe a little, looking so deliciously awkward as he tried to enact his plan that she wanted to hug him, though she knew better. "Do you… er… wanna go see them?"

She chuckled. These moments of weakness were what made her love him, among so many other things. "Of course," she said. She stood, and they departed together.

The island was indeed beautiful, with broad verdant avenues. It was a summer island, but it was sub-tropical, having deciduous trees and forests instead of palm trees and jungles. They walked through the town to one of a handful of parks that sat on hills behind the port town. Zoro led the way successfully, which Robin found quite surprising, it showed a depth of determination in the swordsman: he was deadly serious about this. They passed the gate into one particular park, then Zoro led her up a path towards a grove of trees. They reached the grove, a pleasantly green spot where the sun filtered through the leaves.

"Damnit," she heard Zoro mutter when they reached the grove. For a moment, she couldn't understand why he sounded disappointed, until she took a closer look at the trees.

They were cherry trees. In the right season, they would be alight with breathtaking Sakura blossoms forming a pink snow as they dropped from the trees and descended to the earth. But that season was spring, and this was a summer island, where the trees were doomed never to blossom, where the sakura would not appear. In the summer, the trees were indistinguishable from any other, and could be discerned only by closely examining their leaf shapes. Robin was overwhelmed with three emotions in succession: amusement that Zoro's plan had failed thus, pity for her lover whose plan was a shambles, and a deeper love for him when she envisioned his intention in her head: a heartfelt proposal amid the Sakura blossoms as they rained down around them. She turned to look at Zoro, who was now trying to look inconspicuous.

"You were going to have me sit, crowned amid the descending Sakura, and propose marriage to me, weren't you?"

"Ch!" Zoro cringed. He simultaneously loved and hated his lover's propensity to pierce straight through to his heart and read his mind like that. "Maybe…" he said shiftily.

"Oh…" she said, then hugged him. "You know," she whispered into his ear, "it can still happen that way."

"What do you mean?" Zoro asked suspiciously.

Robin chuckled, then sat down at the base of one of the taller cherry trees. She crossed her arms, then breathed "Doscien Fluer."

Two hundred arms sprouted upon trunk, branch, twig, and bough above them, but just as soon as they appeared, they began dissolving one by one, starting a steadily increasing rain of breathtaking Sakura blossoms.

Zoro was struck by her effort to make his plan succeed. "I love you," he said.

"I know," she replied. "You can go ahead now."

"Oh, right," Zoro said, remembering his mission. He reached into one of the pockets of his cargo pants and knelt before her, one knee on the ground, then drew forth a small velvet-lined box as the Sakura continued to descend about him. "Robin," he said, opening the box to reveal the most beautiful ring Robin had ever seen, "Will you marry me?"

"Of course," Robin said, tears springing to her eyes as she took the ring and placed it on her finger. She stood, then he stood, and they embraced and kissed as Robin's Sakura continued to fall among them.

~0~

"Congratulations, you two!" Nami said.

"But where are you gonna have the wedding?" Franky asked.

"Where _could_ they have the wedding?" Usopp added. "Can two of the most-wanted pirates in the world get married anywhere prominent?"

"Eh," Zoro grunted, "I dunno."

"We honestly haven't given it much thought," Robin added.

"How about Amazon Lily?" Luffy suggested.

"The all-woman island?" Chopper said. "Would they really want a wedding between a woman and a man there?"

"Sure!" Luffy said. "We're going there anyway, and Hancock was always talking about marriage. I'm sure she'd love to host a wedding!"

A bead of sweat formed on Nami's head. _I don't think she meant weddings in general._

_Note: w00t, we're gonna have a wedding! Stay tuned and review!_


	29. Color

29. Color

Rating: T  
~~~~~~~~00000000~~~~~~~

_Looking back, the one thing he remembered most about that day was the colors. _

The groom assessed himself from head to toe in the mirror of the boys' room on the _Thousand Sunny._ He had mossy green hair, thick and spiky, though cut short. The best stylists on the island had tried to tame it, to straighten it or at least smooth it, but to no avail. The head of moss remained. The skin of his face was cleaned almost to a shine, except for the darker patch of scar tissue, a testament to two years of herculean training. He was clad in a black tuxedo, borrowed from the blonde cook, who had chastised the groom for not owning anything fit to marry a lady in. The tuxedo stretched on down to his feet, black all the way, except for a spot of white just below the neck. The groom, being the mightiest swordsman in the world, wore his swords with him, hanging on a black belt that was invisible against the rest of the tuxedo.

The straw-haired cook came into the bedroom, telling the groom that it was time. A kind word from the cook was misinterpreted, and the two got into a fight, though abstained from proper violence because the cook swore, "I am absolutely not going to have to clean this tux because of your shitty attitude." The cook led the groom out, wanting to make sure that he did not get lost on this day of all days.

They stepped out into a world of blue, green, brown, and white. Blue was the sky above them and the water below them, though they were not on the open sea, rather in an isolated pool that connected to the open sea by a tunnel, in the protected interior of the hidden island. Green was the vegetation all about them in this tropical paradise. Some of the rocks were brown, lower down, though higher up towards the rim of the extinct volcano they were a clean, sandy white. White too were the clouds, speckling the blue sky.

The cook proved an unreliable guide through the island of Amazon Lily, driven to distraction by the many feminine hues. Hair ranging from blonde like his own to red, brown, or black, scantily-clad bodies in many tones of flesh making their way this way and that, with their companion snakes of all colors of the rainbow, and their bikinis likewise of various hues. Pink was the heart that filled the cook's one visible eye, and red was the blood that spurted forth from his nose. "Mellorine" he shouted, chasing one gang of Kuja tribeswomen in particular.

The groom would have indeed gotten lost at that pass, and the day might have ended in tragedy (or at least hilarity), if he had not been saved by the doctor. He appeared, short with his fuzzy brown fur. On this day he bore a black top hat, selected for the occasion, contrasting oddly with his blue nose. The doctor managed to get the groom most of the way there, up the white cobblestone streets and through the many-colored marketplaces. They came at last to the palace, with its white walls and teal-tiled roofs, when the doctor finally fell. He was not the kind to be easily distracted by the vibrant beauties of the island, but they were the kind to be easily distracted by him.

"Sooooooo cute!" one screamed, as many swarmed around the doctor.

"I have to have him!"  
"Me too!"

"I saw him first!"

"No, I did, get away!"

"Zoro, help me!" came the doctor's cry as he was mobbed by a horde of the mighty Kuja warriors. The groom moved to help, his hand straying to the hilts of his swords, but the others were determined that the groom should arrive untroubled. A flash of bright, fiery orange impacted on the street, blackening the white stone with heat.

"I've got this," said the sniper, distinctive with his long nose and black hair. "You just go ahead."

The groom departed, his course now so obvious that even he could not deviate from it. A sea of many different hair colors stood before him, island citizens of all ages thronging to see their first-ever wedding. The groom might again have been deterred, the citizens packed too tightly for him to move through, when again he was saved.

"Alright. One side, one side," came a gruff voice as metallic orange fists shoved women aside. The shipwright was there, with his shock of electric blue hair, nose of silver, and huge red spherical shoulders. "Come on, Zoro-bro," the shipwright said, leading the groom through the crowd.

Within the palace grounds, he noticed first the garlands of flowers, white, red, orange, and yellow, that hung suspended from wires over the main courtyard. The interior was still thronged with eager onlookers. To one side he saw the musician, suit and hair both black, with his exposed bones the tone of eggshells. He waved a brown baton as he conducted the all-female orchestra, playing a joyous tune to appropriately commemorate the occasion.

Then his eyes strayed to the raised dais and altar, both white to match the stone of the palace walls and roadways. On the first stair up from the ground, he saw the Pirate King to the left, and the Pirate Empress on the right. His hair was black, his hat of straw with a band of red, wearing a similarly red vest, and he had a broad grin exposing many white teeth. Her hair was similarly black, though long and stretching down past her waist. Her dress was read, and her cheeks were flared pink. Previously her cheeks had been red, red with fury when the Pirate King had declared that they had arrived for a wedding, but revealed who the bride and groom were to be. The Empress had accepted, on the condition that she and the Pirate King be in the wedding party. Now she flashed her large, blue eyes at the Pirate King, trying to catch his attention. The Empress was beautiful, and the groom would have judged her the most beautiful he had ever seen, but for one.

On the second step stood the best man and maid of honor. The best man was the blonde cook, in a similar black tuxedo, who had somehow managed to make it to the altar before the groom despite his distraction at the hands of the beautiful Kuja warriors. A pink heart dominated his eye again, with a remaining fringe of red blood around his nose, though now his eye was drawn by the maid of honor. She was the red-haired navigator, with eyes of watery brown, filled with crystal-clear tears of emotion on this most joyous of occasions. She wore a slim aquamarine dress with a matching corsage flower and high-heeled shoes.

Last of all his gaze fell upon the bride, standing at the altar. In somewhat of a role reversal, the bride had reached the altar first, awaiting the groom. She alone filled his vision, the details growing as he neared her. She wore a dress, white as new-fallen snow, with matching high-heeled boots. Such a woman refused to wear anything that was not form-fitting, scorning the large poofy gowns that brides were normally obligated to wear. Her white dress was slim, hugging her form beautifully, though she did embrace the white veil, hanging from her forehead and obscuring her face. He loved her for continuing to wear the form fitting dress, because it made her 4-month pregnancy all the more apparent, her bulging stomach easily discernable. It detracted not from her beauty at all, but merely added to it.

At last the groom arrived at the altar, though he could still not see the finer features of his bride, obscured by that same white veil. The veil was appropriate, the groom thought, given how much of her life the bride had kept secret from those she accounted her dearest friends. Her own personal veil had long since fallen, revealing the depths of her heart to those she loved, the groom in particular.

The elder of the Kuja tribe presided over the ceremony. The strange little woman who spoke with an almost cat-like accent had to stand on the altar itself to be seen, with her wispy grey hair, overlarge pink lips, and overlong mahogany shillelagh; she struck an odd note at the otherwise beautiful ceremony, especially when she began to speak.

"We are gathered hyeah today, to witnyess…" but as the elder was indeed the only woman with significant experience of other cultures, only she knew even the rudimentary elements of a wedding ceremony.

The ceremony proceeded and she put her hands in his, those perfect hands with their distinctly dusky skin and their comforting warmth. Rings of pleasant gold were placed on both their hands and the time came at last. The groom said his "I do," and the bride finally cast the veil above her head. All her beauty came together in her face, with her raven black hair, dusky skin, and most of all her eyes. If the sky and sea were a breathtaking blue, the bride's eyes indeed sat in a league of their own, a piercing cobalt that could be both cold and warm, stern and soft, afraid and laughing, deadly and loving. Now it was a warm, soft, and loving cobalt as she said "I do."

"I nyow pronounce you husbyand and wife," the elder concluded. "You may kyiss the bride.

The groom, Roronoa Zoro, caught a brief glimpse of the moist, pink interior of the bride, Nico, ah, excuse me, Roronoa Robin's mouth, before he shut his eyes and kissed his wife, knowing that this joy was only the beginning.

_Note: Obviously I tried something a little different here, more purely descriptive and less focused on narrative. Did it work well? Stay tuned for the conclusion (finally) and review!_


	30. Snow

30. Snow

Rating: T

~~~~~~~~~0000000000~~~~~~~~

For a time it was silent, the only sound being the muffled crunching of their booted feet as they trudged through the thick snow. Quiet enough to hear a pin drop, would the pin itself not be muffled by the snow, but this peace was not to last.

"They're back," Zoro said, his voice somewhere between annoyance and anticipation.

"They certainly are persistent," Robin said with a smile. They had time to exchange only a brief, loving gaze before "they" descended upon them. Blugori. The two were currently trespassing in the savage blue apes' native habitat, the snow-covered mountainous heights of this large island in the North Blue. They were here on a rumor, a fragment of a memory that Robin thought she had.

The newlyweds were looking for somewhere to settle down. Of course, he was the first mate to the Pirate King, and she was a triple threat: Nakama to the Pirate King, Angel of the Revolution, and Devil Child of Ohara. If they wanted to live anything resembling a peaceful life, their options were limited. If they wanted to live a peaceful life in reasonably civilized conditions, well, their options were practically nonexistent.

Practically, but not actually. Thinking hard, Robin had recalled something she had heard during her two-year stint with the Revolutionaries, a rumor of a safe haven for dissidents, a place where innocent people targeted by the World Government could live their lives in peace. Zoro and Robin were hardly innocent, but both having fulfilled their dreams and with a child on the way, they now wanted to live in peace, but knew they could not. The haven was hidden somewhere on a North Blue island, a large, mountainous island that was home to the Blugori. The World Government came by often, trading shiny metal weapons with the Blugori tribes in exchange for taking their sons and daughters into servitude, mostly to Impel Down.

They had run into a group of the Blugori before, but Robin managed to scare them off with her powers. They had been spooked, but not truly scared, and merely returned in greater numbers and with some of their precious metal weaponry to deal with the interlopers. Without the uniforms they wore in Impel down, the Blugori looked less intimidating, the only scary part about them being their hideous under bite, exposing their lower teeth to the elements. They had blue fur, but Zoro and Robin had seen far stranger things in their day (and indeed had lived with stranger things on a daily basis).

The Blugori tried to surround them, catching Zoro and Robin in this snowbound mountain pass, stepping into view through the haze of snow. Zoro smiled, unsheathing his katana once again, placing one in his mouth and taking the others in each hand. Silence returned for a time as the Blugori stared at the intruders, both sides knowing they could not communicate with one another, and both sides intent on the other's total destruction. The tension hung thick as the snow continued to fall when one Blugori, taller than the rest and wielding a bladed partisan, gestured towards the two of them and roared.

Zoro responded by swiping two of his swords forward, the strokes of the mighty swordsman cleaving the air itself, sweeping the Blugori that stood before them away, including the presumed leader, but that was only the front, and they were surrounded on all sides. The remaining Blugori pounced, and the battle was joined.

Zoro fought ferociously, though it wasn't entirely necessary. He had dealt with worse than the Blugori before, they were no match for the Humandrills, for instance, and he had dealt with them even before his training with Mihawk, in a time that felt like someone else's life. The Blugori were still cunning, strong, swift, and reasonably well-armed, with a wide variety of metal weaponry in evidence. The cheap metal of their arms could not stand up to the swordsman's blades, however, and even when they were able to try and block a swift stroke from his katana, they merely shattered against the superior steel. He felled many of them, staining the white snow with their blood.

He could hear his wife performing equally well. He had originally insisted that she remain behind at the coast: the climate was better and it was far safer, but he should have known better. He saw her breaking their thick-boned arms and legs and twisting necks, saw her bend their bodies over with many of her vice-like arms, snap their spines, and heave their paralyzed bodies over the cliff to tumble down the mountainside, saw her do things to them that even the battle-hardened master swordsman thought unpleasant. He thought she looked incredibly sexy even at 7 months pregnant, her swollen stomach clearly visible under the heavy coat she wore. The cold steel of her eyes complemented the chill environment wonderfully, and he couldn't help but marvel at the efficient way she fought, downing so many foes without even moving her own body. If anything, an expectant mother's instincts had made her all the more lethal: the ferocity of a mother bear combining with her normal reptilian precision and cruelty. He loved his wife for her deadliness, as well as many other things.

The fight was brief, feeling longer than it actually lasted, and entirely successful for the newlyweds. Originally a gang of about 40 Blugori accosted them, and only eight of them were able to flee the battlefield at the end of it all. Zoro sheathed his swords and looked at his wife. "That was fun," he said.

"Indeed," Robin replied, "that was quite refreshing." She suddenly cringed a little.

"What?" Zoro said, concern rising in his voice. "Are you okay?"

"Fine," Robin said, smiling and stroking her stomach. "The baby just kicked."

"Heh," Zoro smirked, their child wasn't even out of the womb yet and already could affect his wife more than a whole troop of Blugori. "Heh heh," he chuckled, distracted by that thought.

"Zoro," Robin chided, "come along."

Zoro snapped back to reality, seeing that Robin had walked ahead of him, over the rim of the mountain pass, and was now looking down into the valley beyond. "Right," he said absently.

He walked towards his wife slowly, booted feet crunching in the snow. The snowfall subsided temporarily, giving him a clear vision both ahead and behind. As he approached her, he was able to see what she could see, down the far side of the mountain. Far below, in the intermittent patches of sunlight breaking through the clouds, he could see a little patch of green nestled between the mountainous heights. The valley, safe from the Blugori who lived only in higher altitudes, was dappled with buildings: the rumor was true. This would be their new home.

"It appears as though the safe haven does exist," Robin remarked, continuing to stride forward.

Zoro hesitated again, watching his wife move ahead towards their new home. For a second, he looked back. Behind him stood his old life, behind him were dozens of dead or wounded Blugori, apes struck down by the mightiest swordsman in the world. Behind him stood the warrior that had cut those Blugori down without remorse, who had wandered the entire world, wading through blood and destruction, to become the best of all. Behind him stood a man wild and free, but alone, a life that was comfortable and familiar, but lacking one specific element.

Before him stood his new life, his wife, and the one she bore in her womb. She was the one he loved above all others, who had been with him through his darkest hours and who had helped him achieve his dream, as he had helped her. The old him would have felt obligated to continue traveling the world. He was considered the strongest swordsman in the world only because he had beaten the one widely believed to be the strongest in the world, but ultimately there was no proof: he would have to keep fighting people again and again to continue to reinforce that proof, or until some other more ambitious than he was able to defeat him, but he had new obligations. He was obligated to give his wife a husband, and to give his child a father, to be with the ones who loved him as long as they would have him.

Sure, it might be boring compared to his old life…

"Zoro," Robin said, interrupting his thoughts again, "are you coming?"

He looked at his wife and smiled, knowing that it would not be boring at all.

Zoro hiked down out of the snow-covered heights with Robin, leaving the snow to bury the remnants of his old life, the slain Blugori, in a sheet of clean white. He would shed the title of Demon Cutter and she would no longer be the Devil Child, demons no longer, but rather husband and wife, father and mother.

Epilogue:  
Ahh, this was a grand and glorious journey, wasn't it? 30 prompts, some of them good, some of them not as good. Now is the time for post-mortem! You have to tell me what I did right in the process, and what I did wrong (namely which ficlets were good and which ones were lackluster). I myself am rather dissatisfied with Drift and Warrior, though I could name others that didn't come out as good as they could have. I especially liked the main-line ficlets that I put into their own little timeline (Ark, Clouds, Ugly Shirt, Sakura, Color, and this last one, Snow). I think Cook and its sequel Lies were also particularly strong, as were Slingshot, Salvage, and Casino.

Personal thanks go out to Amethyst Turtle, who helped me come up with this idea initially, as well as my perpetual reviewers: JuzSomeone, PomRania, Aquilaa, Andara, and Tare-Chan, as well as everyone else who took the time to review or favorite. Please do me one last favor and review this again!

This was quite an exhaustive experience for me, putting out one ficlet a day except for Tuesdays and Thursdays. Now I am going to go hibernate for the winter, and oh what a glorious time that will be!


End file.
